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The Blemish

• 

  Jamie Spears retains control

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 5:12pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Britney’s dad, Jamie Spears’, conservatorship over his daughter will stay in place until Dec. 31, 2008. While it is subject to early termination, the general consensus is that there is no need to nullify it before the end of the year.

  After Jamie took control on February 1st, things have been looking up for Britney. She’s still not where she was six years ago, but that’s likely to never happen. Still, since February, there have been no mental breakdowns, no more Britney vagina and much fewer pictures of her with a Frappucino. All in all, things are pretty normal for Britney Spears. Maybe a little too normal. Dun-dun-dun.

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• 

  Afternoon time wasters

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 2:51pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  • Bossip: Ludacris and his big mouth
  • Drunken Stepfather: Amy Winehouse’s cat likes crack
  • Bastardly: Selena Gomez can fly by herself
  • Celebslam: Jessica Alba does stuff. Nipply stuff

  • Popoholic: Rosario Dawson is curvy
  • Celebitchy: Kathy Griffin is done with plastic surgery.
  • BWE: What does Guy Ritchie see in sugar?
  • DRW (Site NSFW): Sharon Stone and her cleavage

  • CS: Rachel McAdams back in the news
  • SOW: Elmo gets around. Whore
  • EB: Another Austin Powers film?
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  • TC: Miley Cyrus is quitting

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• 

  Hulk Hogan found a job

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 2:10pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Hulk Hogan, currently in a bitter divorce, seems to be running low on cash ever since his show Hogan Knows Best went off air. What’s a bald ex-wrestler to do? Why, star in a movie with Kimbo Slice of course. The unlikely pair are tapped to co-star in a martial arts comedy called Kung Fu U in 3D.

  “Kung Fu U” in 3D is a Disney-type comedy about of a bunch of nerds and misfits that are sent away by their wealthy parents to the Brentwood Academy (a.k.a. Kung Fu U) to learn the finer arts of self-defense. It’s a heart-warming romp where the rather weathered warriors come to the rescue for the kids, and in turn, the kids rescue the warriors’ seemingly lost souls from what had been their eternal apathy. It’s a feel-good story that reminds us that we’re all the same, no matter what our age, or where we came from, and that we should all stick together.

  If you’ve seen Hulk in Suburban Commando or Mr. Nanny, you’ll know what you’re in for. Add the fact that they cast Kimbo Slice whose resume includes such classics as Kimbo vs Adryan and Kimbo vs Sean Gannon, not to mention more recent classics like Kimbo beats up a 40-year-old and Ref saves Kimbo from losing, you can see the potential greatness. Although, I don’t know how realistic it is to have Kimbo in a place like Brentwood. In real life, he could be the nicest guy ever, but parents and kids would still run away as fast as their designer shoes would let them from the scary black man all the while throwing their wallets at him for appeasement.

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• 

  Marisa Miller is all sweaty

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 1:07pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Not many of you know this, but back in 2007 at the Sunglass Hut Swimsuit Shows in Maimi, I almost got Marisa Miller fired after we had hot, sweaty sex in the stairwell before she walked the runway. That may explain a few of these photos. It’s taken me more than a year to say this, but I’m sorry Marisa. So, so sorry . And horny. Booooinggg!

  

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• 

  Angelina Jolie to play Catwoman?

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 12:18pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Having a worldwide $440 million two week gross and being the best film of the year has gotten everyone talking about who will will play what in the next Dark Knight film. So it comes as no surprise that big stars are already being rumored to play possible villains despite the fact that there is no script. Today, both the Telegraph UK and MTV News report that Angelina Jolie has asked to play Catwoman in the third Dark Knight film. If you need confirmation, here’s Ms Julie Newmar who played Catwoman once in the 60’s.

  Ms Newmar, 74, said: “Angelina would own the part. My industry friends tell me she has already made enquiries about the role. I can understand how it would pique her interest. Catwoman is Batman’s one true love.”

  She added: “She’s tremendously popular with women because she’s both a heroine and a villainess.”

  Other stars rumored to be in the next film include Johnny Depp as The Riddler and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as Penguin. If Christopher Nolan was smart, he’d cast Britney Spears too. She can be one of the Penguin’s henchman. You know, those blubbery little guys with huge thighs that stomp around an ice float and chase baby penguins to eat? Or am I thinking about elephant seals? Whatever, that would work too.

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• 

  This is golf?

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 11:49am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Had I known golf was more about tits, ass and upskirts and less about shafts, balls and plaid, I wouldn’t have given the school golf team all those dead arms and/or legs. Where was Kendra Wilkinson during my awkward teen years?

  

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• 

  Morning time wasters

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 11:15am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  • Hollywood Rag: Tommy Lee still having orgies with groupies
  • Lossip: Christina Aguilera promotes Macy’s
  • WIMB: Corey Feldman’s wife is in Playboy
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• 

  Rihanna feels breezy

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 10:52am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  Feature  

  

  Rihanna headed out to the clubs in NYC last night dressed in this. A see through top with no bra. The evidence is pretty damning. Her pierced, puffy nipples lead me to believe she killed the professor in the study with a candlestick. You’ve been caught, you vile temptress you!

  

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• 

  Tom Cruise has some ’splaining to do

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 10:26am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Ex-Scientologist, Peter Letterese, has named Tom Cruise in a $250 million federal lawsuit against the Church of Scientology. The suit is using the RICO statute, normally used to break up Mafia families, and claims CoS is a crime syndicate.

  In court papers provided to The News by investigator Paul Barresi, Letterese claims a member of the church phoned his lawyer at home, and when the lawyer’s wife answered, said he was her husband’s homosexual lover.

  Barresi, who has done investigative work on behalf of Cruise, tells us: “[Letterese] is just including a celebrity name to get attention.”

  He singles out Cruise, who’s made no secret of his religion, saying that Scientology head David Miscavage is “aided and abetted by the actions of Tom Cruise, his right-hand man for foreign and domestic promotion, as well as for foreign and domestic lobbying. He has assisted the syndicate in acquiring funds and [made] his own donations of money believed to be in the multiple tens of millions of dollars.”

  I find it interesting that the church resorts to playground tactics to harass people. This multi-million dollar scam operation has the ability to plant a brick of cocaine in people’s houses or kiddie porn on their computers. Yet, instead of doing that, they call wives and tell them they’re their husbands gay lover. I bet the church has a special unit dedicated to putting flaming bags of dog poop on people’s doorsteps, ringing the doorbell and running away and another unit asking people over the phone if their fridge is running and when they answer, “Yes,” they tell them they might want to catch it. So, you better not cross the church, they might put a “kick me” sign on your back.

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• 

  Ali Lohan auditions for porn director

  Posted: July 31st, 2008, 9:48am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  TMZ learned that big, big star Ali Lohan has been auditioning for film roles and in her quest to be the next, um, whatever, she had a casting session with legendary porn director Peter Davy. Davy is best known for discovering Houstan, aka “I banged 620 guys in one sitting/laying,” and for Breast Wishes 14 and Bun Busters 12. Of course, Ali wasn’t auditioning for porn. It was for a straight-to-dvd movie called Troll and she got the part. Yay? Ali’s reps say she had no idea who Peter Davy was because she’s only 14 and Dina Lohan was pissed after hearing the news.

  Gosh, the casting couch must have been awkward. What with Peter asking Ali to “convince” him to cast her and Ali replying with, “Um, even though I’m 14, I have a lot of potential!?” And Peter, upon realizing her age, becoming flustered, telling her she got the part, to please not call the cops, that he forgot something in his car and mumbling, “Oh shit, oh shit,” all the way up until he peeled out.

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• 

  Judge Judy wants none of that and time wasters

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 2:28pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  Judge Judy moves pretty fast for an old lady.

  • Bossip: Gary Dourdan has sausage thighs
  • Drunken Stepfather: Adriana Lima poses with bras
  • Bastardly: Katherine Heigl and TR Knight went shopping
  • Asylum: World’s scariest robots

  • CoEd: The hand job handbook?
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  • Popoholic: Fergie tries to be sexy again
  • PITNB: Meet the cast of 90210

  • CS: Paris Hilton has a shoe collection
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• 

  Dina Lohan is not welcome

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 1:41pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Dina Lohan and Ali Lohan are famous for nothing yet managed to secure a reality show by banking off of Lindsay Lohan’s name. While they think this makes them big stars, the real world disagrees. Which is why studio staff kicked Dina out of last night’s premiere of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 when she tried to steal a reserved table.

  Sources report that when Dina, Ali and a friend of Ali’s arrived to the after-party, they sat down at a reserved table. A studio staffer politely asked her to change tables, but “Dina “went apes–t,” a partygoer tells me. “It so wasn’t cool.”

  So not cool that “Dina was quietly removed” from the rooftop soiree, another source says.

  Dina contends that she left because the staffer raised his voice which “made the girls uncomfortable.”.

  Right, whatever lets you sleep at night Dina. I can’t wait for the day event organizers, party planners and club owners have a “tase on sight” order for her. I think LA and NYC should give all celebrity hotspots this right. It would make news much more interesting like, “Last night, Dina was tased for the third time after she attempted to enter a Lohan free club. Along with the usual convulsing, she also frothed at the mouth and bit off her tongue. Sheriffs have deemed ‘Operation Fuck Dina’ a success.”

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• 

  Bar Rafaeli bikini time

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 12:51pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  Feature  

  

  Bar Rafaeli is in St. Tropez in a bikini, looking sexy, ignoring my letters. C’mon, I just want a locke of your hair. Just give it to me. Puh-lease? I can’t finish this doll of you without it. I mean, I want to sell it on eBay. Yea, that’s it.

  

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• 

  Bruce Willis is confrontational

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 11:59am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Good news for the photog being soaked with Bruce Willis’ water bottle. Now he has definitive proof that Bruce Willis makes him wet. Score! On second thought, he might want to keep that to himself.

  Actually, the photogs windows were up. Still… free car wash. Woo hoo! Video here.

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• 

  Paulina Rubio is at the beach

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 11:45am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  Feature  

  

  When I first glanced at the title of “Paulina Rubio in a bikini”, I was trying to figure out why anyone would want to see a sandwich in a two-piece. Then I realized it was called a Ruben sandwich, not a Rubio sandwich. Then I got sad because I was hungry. True story.

  

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• 

  Khloe Kardashian is a good sister

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 11:02am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Khloe Kardashian was sent to jail for a few hours after violating probation terms from a 2007 DUI arrest. She tells FOX that she’s learned her lesson.

  “My experience was such an awakening, but in an amazing way,” she told us at Malibu’s Project Beach House for the Big Mac anniversary party on Sunday. “Thank God I never got into an accident — I’m glad it happened the way it did for me. God forbid I could have hit or killed someone.”

  Still, Khloe denies any drinking problem and says she will still continue to partake in alcoholic beverages, but will always have a designated driver. And to throw the spotlight off her, she outed her brother, 21-year-old Robert, saying he drinks and drives regularly.

  “He will drink and drive whether he’ll admit it or not,” she said. “But he won’t do it again because of what I have been through. I spent $50,000 in lawyer’s fees, but it’s not just the money — it is the heartache I’ve put my family through. It’s been stressful.”

  Aww, what a nice sister. Guiding her brother away from the same mistakes she made. Publicly calling his character into question. Robert approves. To show his appreciation, he has a present for Khloe when she gets home. It’s a pillow case full of quarters! Shh, the lights are off and Rob is wearing a mask because it’s a surprise.

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• 

  Morning time wasters

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 10:45am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  What is this Harry Potter you speak of?

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• 

  Mitch Wino out for justice

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 10:27am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Amy Winehouse, who will now be described as England’s most famous coke-head, was said to have suffered an adverse reaction to a drug she was taking to help her quit, er, drugs. Apparently, that’s not what happened. Amy’s dad, Mitch, now believes one of her friends slipped ecstasy in her drink which caused her to go into convulsions. Mitch is livid and has vowed to find the person responsible.

  “He’s certain someone put E in Amy’s drink — and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it.

  “He is convinced that one of her hangers-on was responsible and he’s waiting for a toxicology report to show what caused her to fit.

  “If his suspicions are proved right, he wants someone to be punished. He is seriously unhappy about Amy’s flat being a stop-over for randoms and wants an end to it.”

  This is sort of like how O.J. Simpson vowed to find the real killer. What heroes these two are. London police should assign a special task force to Mitch so he can get to the bottom of this. You better watch out drink spiking friends of Amy. Mitch is gonna run wild on you.

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• 

  Kristin Kreuk got a haircut

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 9:58am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Kristin Kreuk, best known for her role on Smallville and soon to be known for playing Chun-Li in the new Streetfighter: The Leged of Chun-Li movie, cut her hair. She looks like an alien now. Granted, the other pic of it styled isn’t that bad, but If I this thing came up to my car asking for directions, I’d have to pour gasoline on it and light it on fire. I’ve heard the stories. No way you’re sticking a probe up my butt. Uh-uh, not again.

  

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• 

  Nick Hogan doesn’t like jail

  Posted: July 30th, 2008, 9:46am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Nick Hogan recently turned 18 and for his birthday present, Pinellas County jail moved him out of solitary confinement into the general population. Surprisingly, Nick is happy about this.

  “They had broken his spirit,” Brooke Hogan, 20, tells PEOPLE. “When they put him in solitary, he was on the outs. I was worried about him, and his safety, and his well-being.”

  “We get to visit him three times a week like everybody else, but it sucks,” she says. “I can’t just walk over to his room and give him a hug, or talk to him, or confide in him. … At least he’s not locked in hell, basically. And his personality is slowly coming back. I bring that out of him.”

  This is ironic because general population is where Nick will really feel his spirit being broken. Not only that, but his spirit will be passed around like a loose cigarette. Of course, by “spirit”, I mean “his asshole” and by “broken”, I mean “made into a vagina”. Brooke Hogan, however, thinks Nick can handle himself.

  “He’s been threatened,” she says. “Thank God he’s big and he can hold his own.”

  According to IMDB, Nick Hogan is 6′3”, a respectable height. But, also according to IMDB, his nick name is Nicky Noodle. I give him two weeks before the other inmates force him to take estrogen so he can grow bitch tits.

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• 

  Afternoon time wasters

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 4:04pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

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• 

  Not Shia’s fault

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 3:18pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Deputies have determined that Shia LaBeouf is not at fault for an accident he suffered Sunday morning even though he was obviously drunk during the time of his arrest. A spokesman for the Sheriff’s department claims another driver ran a red light and hit LaBeouf’s truck.

  LaBeouf made a left turn and collided with an oncoming car about 2:30 a.m. The actor’s Ford F-150 pickup truck rolled over in the crash.

  LaBeouf injured his left hand and was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center for surgery, according to Sgt. Kristin Aloma of the sheriff’s West Hollywood station. LaBeouf’s passenger and the other driver, both women, were treated for minor injuries and released from Cedars.

  LaBeouf, 22, “was exhibiting obvious signs of intoxication,” Aloma said. He was cited for misdemeanor drunken driving instead of felony drunken driving because the injuries suffered by the others were minor, she explained.

  Maybe if the other driver was impaired like Shia he wouldn’t have run that red light. If I was Shia, I’d release a statement informing everyone of that fact. Have it read, “Yea, I was driving drunk. But some sober jerk hit my truck and flipped me over. If it wasn’t for him, no one would know I was intoxicated. I’m awesome.” I think that would make him look very endearing.

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• 

  5.4 earthquake in L.A.

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 2:55pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  A magnitude 5.4 earthquake hit Los Angeles earlier today at around 11:42 a.m. It was felt as far south as San Diego and as far east as Las Vegas. The epicenter was located near Chino Hills and didn’t cause significant damage.

  Experts indicate that it wasn’t a “real” earthquake with plates shifting and such. It was more a case of  Rosie O’Donnell finding out Krispy Kreme had an all you can eat donut buffet today. Witnesses say they’ve never seen a person that big run that fast.

  Photo via the LA Times

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• 

  Britney Spears is trying to get in shape

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 2:25pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Britney Spears allegedly drops $22,000 a month on a diet an exercise program designed to quell the rumors that she’s pregnant. Her regime includes:

  …a £5,000-a-month on a nutritionist and diet supplements, £4,000 on a personal trainer and £2,000 on a private dance choreographer.

  A source was quoted in Closer magazine as saying: ‘She limits herself to 1400 calories a day with one ‘cheat day’ where she’ll treat herself.’

  ‘She also changed the way she eats, trying to have only two thirds of what is on her plate. It’s all about portion control and fresh food now. And lots of water in place of Red Bull.’

  The source added: ‘Britney piled on a lot of weight earlier this year. She was so stressed about the custody case and her medication for her bipolar disorder also made her put on weight. She was tired of being flabby and wanted to do something about it.

  Now, says the insider: ‘Britney is so proud of herself because her ab muscles are back’.

  So, whereas before, Britney was an amorphous blob lounging in a beach chair, she’s now an amorphous blog lounging in a beach chair who can sit up. That’s progress. In two months, she might even make it from the chair to the pool without having the lifeguard ask her if she’s gasping for air because she almost drowned.

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• 

  Shia LaBeouf knows he’s an alcoholic

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 1:10pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  A week before Shia LaBeouf was arrested for DUI, he gave an interview in the September issue of Details in which he admits that he doesn’t “know how to have one drink.” He told the magazine that he and his dad, a recovering heroin addict, used to “drink and smoke together.”

  “It’s not something that is conducive to being a role model. No iconic actors that I know of have problems like that.”

  Shia’s Transformers co-star, Isabel Lucas, was the passenger in his car at the time of the accident. The series of events before and after the accident probably went something like, “No, no. I’m good to drive. See? Look at these reflexes.” Shia swipes at the air. “Like a cat!” Isabel, also drunk, nods in agreement. They both get into the cab of the truck and Shia spends five minutes trying to stick the keys in the cigarette lighter mistaking it for the ignition. He finally figures it out, drives off, gets into an accident, rolls over and gets charged with a DUI. And because L.A. fawns over celebrities like they’re newborn puppies, the mayor drops the charges and gives him the key to the city for his heroic effort in showing everyone how dangerous illegal left turns can be. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a minority is being raped with a billy club for jaywalking.

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• 

  Jenna Jameson plays a zombie stripper

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 12:40pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  BREAKING: Jenna Jameson found an acting job that doesn’t require her to do DP or anal. Instead, she plays a zombie stripper in Zombie Strippers!, a movie destined to sink to the fiery pits of the IMDB bottom 250. Here are a few stills from the movie to highlight that fact.

  

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• 

  Morning time wasters

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 11:40am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  • Hollywood Rag: Pamela Anderson could have been Scully
  • WIMB: Dane Cook sucks
  • Flisted: Elisha Cuthbert in need of a hollywood makeover
  • Hollywood Tuna: Stacy Keilber in not so short shorts

  • INO: Kate Hudson promises to support Ryder’s dreams
  • Lainey: Worst feed ever?
  • Lossip: Marc and J. Lo had a night out
  • AB: Tom Cruise can’t fly

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• 

  Keira Knightley will not digitally enhance her breasts

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 11:14am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Back in 2004, Keira Knightley had her breasts digitally enhanced for the King Arthur publicity photos. She explained that it was because in the US, you had to have a C-cup or more to be considered a woman. Now, for her new movie The Duchess, Keira has refused a similar enhancement.

  A source told the newspaper that movie bosses wanted the slender actress to appear more curvaceous, but “she has insisted that her figure stay in its natural state. She is proud of her body and doesn’t want it altered.”

  Oh yea? Keira’s not the only one that can refuse things. I refuse to watch this movie until I see Keira on promotional posters with double D’s jutting out beyond the confines of a 2-D image. I want to be poked in the eye with Keira’s tits when I walk by a poster for The Duchess. Then and only then will I consider watching her movie. That’ll show her. That’ll show her good.

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• 

  Amy Winehouse is out

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 10:43am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Amy Winehouse was released from the hospital this morning in “good spirits,” reports The Sun. Last night, Amy was admitted after suffering convulsions. Amy’s rep said that she just mixed up her medication and had a bad reaction.

  “It looks like a reaction to treatment on her anti-drug programme and new things she’s been trying as part of that.”

  Remember kids. Cocaine, heroin, weed, Oxycontin and alcohol don’t mix. Ha! And here I was about to ingest all five at the same time. That would have been embarassing.

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• 

  Miley Cyrus maybe hacked, may endorse condoms

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 10:08am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  This picture may or may not be a new hacked Miley Cyrus cell phone picture. You can’t really see her face so there’s no definitive proof, but if my years as a detective has taught me anything at all it’s that Oreo ice cream cake is delicious.

  In other Miley Cyrus news, the 15-year-old Disney golden goose has been approached by LifeStyles Condoms to be their new spokesperson.

  “Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to disuss the subject of sex,” said Carol Carrozza, VP of marketing for LifeStyles. “With recent reports showing that one out of four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set - and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America.”

  Miley’s reps have stated that this will never happen despite LifeStyles’ offer of a lifetime supply of prophylactics.

  I’m not sure how I feel about a 15-year-old kid reminding me to have safe sex. Not because she’s 15 mind you, but because condom commercials are weird. Take Trojan commercials for example. There’s a bunch of pigs sitting in a bar gawking at hot chicks walking by. That doesn’t remind me to wear a condom, that reminds me that I love bacon and hot chicks.

  Who knows what Miley Cyrus’ commercial would end up looking like. They’ll probably try to tap into the preteen market by having her demonstrate proper condom usage on a unicorn and when she finally gets it on, a rainbow will appear and a minute later they’ll cut back to the unicorn, now slumped over on the edge of the bed saying, “Sorry, this usually never happens. God, I am so sorry.”

  

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• 

  Site news

  Posted: July 29th, 2008, 9:43am CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  The comments and a few other things are broken. I am still trying to figure out why. I guess I’m not whipping my indentured servants hard enough.

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• 

  Amy Winehouse sent to the ER

  Posted: July 28th, 2008, 6:07pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Fresh off a weekend of drunken, coked out antics, Amy Winehouse had to be taken from her home on a stretcher and rushed to the emergency room of a London hospital. The Daily Mail says Winehouse was suffering from convulsions.

  A squad of police arrived as Amy was shielded [by] her singer friend Remi Nicole and her father, as well as the paramedics who were in attendance, with only her bare feet exposed, as she sat slumped in the wheelchair.

  No one knows what caused the convulsions, but I have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with the massive amount of coke she does.

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• 

  Afternoon time wasters

  Posted: July 28th, 2008, 4:34pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  • Bossip: The all black issue of Vogue is a success
  • Drunken Stepfather: Ali Lohan already showing off her tits
  • Bastardly: Heidi Montag and Douche Bag went shopping
  • FHM: Have you met Olivia Munn?

  • Celebitchy: Ryan Seacrest bitten by a shark
  • Asylum: A date with a model — an investigation
  • CoEd: How bad is the air quality for the Beijing Olympics?
  • ASL: Jessica Simpson suspicious of flight

  • PITNB Brendan Fraser’s hair is amazing
  • CS: Naomi Campbell is a biter
  • SOW: Rachael Ray goes to the dogs
  • College Humor: Stanley from The Office isn’t as angry as he seems
  • NinjaDude: Selena Gomez parties

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• 

  Kim Kardashian will promote anything

  Posted: July 28th, 2008, 4:07pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  Kim Kardashian celebrated the 40th anniversary of the Big Mac by dressing like a whore because there’s really no better way to honor Ronald McDonald than by give him a huge boner.

  Granted, I bet Kim only agreed to do this because Khloe begged her to. “Think of the free burgers,” Khloe said, half drooling, half licking her lips. I’m surprised she didn’t try to steal that huge Big Mac and take it home with her or ask to speak to Ronald about her new invention, a Big Mac within a Big Mac. A Bigger Mac you could say.

  

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• 

  John Mayer dream cheated

  Posted: July 28th, 2008, 2:46pm CDT by The Blemish

  Tags:  News  

  

  During a concert in Mt. View, California, John Mayer, currently dating Jennifer Aniston, talked about “dream cheating” and told fans that he “made out with some chick in his dreams.” For his penance, he had to sing Dreaming with a Broken Heart.

  God, just shut up. No one cares about your boring ass dreams. I put a wig and fake lips on a mop and made out with it, but you don’t see me bragging about having to sing some gay song to make it up to my thong wearing pillow.

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  Madonna looks different

  Poste