Yesterday we described some of our 2008 campaign fantasies and asked you to do the same. And many of you did! We got stories that ranged from the terrifyingly (and depressingly) believable to the so out-there that only someone who doesn't believe in science could, uh, believe them. Our favorites are after the jump.
"Victory is near for Team Obama with a walloping 10-point after Sarah Palin calls John McCain 'McDreamy' during her nomination acceptance. As will.i.am and fergie take the stage at the Obamaluvuyou.com Ice Cream Social, chief consultant David Axelrod starts grinding on the wings with an un-named field office intern. An errant iphone snaps a few frames of the ill-fated hip-swerve-age and erupts on the web within the hour. Axelrod resigns, is replaced by Biden's consultant who quickly shoots a new ad featuring Obama-Biden smoking cigars in the back of a pick-up truck in Scranton, hoping to pick up values-voters turned off by the scandal. Chaos erupts as Sarah Palin's increasingly pregnant daughter and her boyfriend get married in Atlantic City, hoping to court the mid-Atlantic. The wedding is televised with Rev. Rick Warren officiating. McCain seems ripe for upset Obama when he keels over in his home voting poll in AZ. But the eastern states have already
cast their votes and amid the confusion and seeming Obama victory, new voters flock to western pollbooths, admittedly, to "fuck shit up," making Sarah Palin the first president to turn the white house into an igloo for a liberal-baiting seal hunt and all moose bbq." —A. Moss
"McCain wins election, thanks to Diebold. One week before McCain/Palin are about to take office, there is an attack on the US. America freaks. Two days later, McCain has a heart attack and dies. This means that Sarah Palin is about to take office at a time of war. But that can't happen. So instead, President Bush declares martial law, citing precedent of FDR and suspends the swearing in ceremony. Public breathes sigh of relief. Bush remains in office for another four years. RIP American democracy." —bertyapple
"OMG, what if Obama picked as his VP a fella with hair plugs and blindingly white teeth who had been rejected by the American voting public in every national election in which he competed? And then, when the Democrats are all 'aww, man, I totes thought we had a chance this time,' what if McCain picks a crazy high-school-hockey-stud-humping, badger-trapping, wilderness lady with virtually no experience in anything except killin', fuckin' an' eatin' what you kill and/or fuck? Then the Democrats will be all, 'hahahaha, you picked white trash for VP.' And then, what if the huge, mushy center of the country is all, 'fuck all ya'll 'cause she's more like us than ya'll' and elects her and Jesus comes back?" —Nard
"Hillary Clinton expresses disgust at the media-driven savaging of Sarah Palin and elects to act as a godmother for a child. After a period of intense negotiations, she declares her intention to run as an independent third-party candidate with Sarah Palin as her running mate, holding a quick convention in a non-denominational church. They decide to call it the Women's Party of America, representing centrist issues like deficit cuts, faith-based care, and medical reform.
The race immediately dissolves around sex lines, and the cantankerous combination of Hillary and Sarah become media lightning rods as the likes of Carly Fiorina, Janet Reno, etc. join the cause. Historic women's-rights advocates endorse the platform, Hollywood doesn't know what to do, the media starts counting fat stacks of cash, and the entire race becomes distorted. We go to the polls on Nov. 5 with absolutely no clarity on how the sexual or racial fissures in our country will smash against the system." —ADismalScience
And many more...
