America, as we've learned, has a big PR problem. The rest of the world doesn't like us so much! Our current president is something of a laughingstock, you see, and we have this problem with expecting others to live up to the ideals we espouse as we fail to live up to them ourselves. You can see how that might bug people, right? Thankfully we're done with the Bush administration. Listen to how little Bush is respected by the Russians and French:
With Russian tanks only 30 miles from Tbilisi on August 12, Mr Sarkozy told Mr Putin that the world would not accept the overthrow of Georgia’s Government. According to Mr Levitte, the Russian seemed unconcerned by international reaction. “I am going to hang Saakashvili by the balls,” Mr Putin declared.
Mr Sarkozy thought he had misheard. “Hang him?” — he asked. “Why not?” Mr Putin replied. “The Americans hanged Saddam Hussein.”
Mr Sarkozy, using the familiar tu, tried to reason with him: “Yes but do you want to end up like [President] Bush?” Mr Putin was briefly lost for words, then said: “Ah — you have scored a point there.”
Oh man, Putin totally zinged us! Zinged by Putin!
That won't happen now that Barack Obama is in charge. No, he commands respect. Another added bonus of an Obama presidency? When people try to zing him, it just shows how boorish and lame the zinger is! First Silvio Berlusconi made that lame "suntanned" joke, and everyone was like, what? Now the Poles are doing it! Polish people are making jokes about us! This aggression cannot stand!
"Poland has been forced to deny its foreign minister 'joked' that President-Elect Barack Obama's grandparents were cannibals. In an episode that could potentially strain relations between Warsaw and Washington, Radek Sikorski, an Oxford-educated politician who has lived in the US, was reported to have made the jibe by an opposition politician, Ryszard Czarnecki. Writing in his blog, Mr Czarnecki, an MEP, quoted the foreign minister as saying: 'Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary.' A spokesman for the Polish foreign office conceded that Mr Sikorski had made the controversial comment, but denied that the foreign minister had intended to insult Mr Obama, whose father was Kenyan."
Sheesh, Poland. We're not letting you in any more of our coalitions of the willing. Is it so funny now?
Jörg Haider, the leader of Austria's far-right Alliance for Austria's Future party, died this month in a high-speed car crash. He was drunk. Why was he drunk? Because, of course, he'd just had a terrible fight with his gay lover, who was also his 27-year-old protege and party deputy. After the fight, 
Samak Sundaravej, the Prime Minister of Thailand, has been forced out of his position by a Thai court for violating the Constitution. Allegations of "gigantic corruption," as the New York Times puts it, "surround other government figures." But it was Samak who got busted, with a nine-judge panel finding him guilty of violating a ban on private employment in office. "His position as prime minister has ended," they said. The private employment that ended Samak's rule? He appeared on a cooking show. Called Tasting and Complaining. This is just like when Nixon was forced to resign after appearing on Laugh-In. [
So. The Georgians sorta instigated this nutty war but the Russians were apparently looking for any old excuse to swarm in and take charge. The U.S. is stepping up the rhetoric but lord know what we'll actually do to stop the Russians from toppling the Georgian government. Georgian president Mikhail Saakashvili is now waging a second war—a public relations war! He knows one of his better bets is to turn United States public opinion toward his beleaguered nation and against those terrible Russians, so he plays up how Western his country is all the time. They love America! Hot dogs! Johnny Cougar! In this clip, Saakashvili goes off on an incredible tangent about how Georgia once had amusement parks and Dolby Digital movie theaters (seriously!) but the Russians destroyed that, because they hate fun. How can anyone be against surround sound? Those filthy Russians!
George W. Bush has been celebrating the twilight of his disastrous presidency by seemingly spending the entirety of 2008 overseas. Right now, as NBC constantly reminds us, he's in Beijing, enjoying the Olympics. Also with him is internationally beloved teddy bear war criminal Henry Kissinger! (Read on to learn why this is yet another example of how terrible NBC is.)
A show about depressed industrial workers ruled by a unfunny megalomaniac is headed for its natural demographic — Russians. The BBC has just sold Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant's mega-hit sitcom The Office to the country, which plans to
GQ sent supermodel Naomi Campbell to interview Hugo Chavez. Hugo says Fidel Castro is "the most stylish world leader." Ahmadinejad: snubbed.