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So, I get home from a lovely day of beaching and Ross Macdonald to discover that McCain's picked a lady for his Veep—a psycho-lady Religious Right mouth-breathing fuss-nut who thinks evolution is crazy talk, that dinosaur bones are the 6,000-year-old remains of dragons, and that there's no good reason a woman should control her own body even if she's been raped by her uncle. It was quite a mindfull! So I was pondering the implications of how this will help the cynical rotting husk that was John McCain to steal this election... And then I thought, I wanna rock out and think about that stuff later. So here is the elf rocker Ronnie James Dio at the height of his elfish powers. Anyhoo, jump on in!
At the Movies with Siskel & Ebert, in its heyday, was a pretty decent show. Watching The Hills at its prime was somewhere between having a handbag full of pudding repeatedly smacked in your face and finding a dead cheerleader in the trunk of your husband's car. So what would ol' Sisk and Eb say about The Hills had they reviewed it? Some YouTube video mangler has spliced in old footage from their review of the Harmony Korine/Larry Clark nightmare Kids with the promo clip for the next season of that MTV reality gloop. Watch the video after the jump.
[via The Playlist]
Happy Canada Day in advance! (Fun fact: Canadians celebrate their day of independence on whatever day is convenient because no one knows the real date.) Did you know Nickelback is from Canada? (Thanks Canada!) But so are The New Pornographers, Leonard Cohen, and Neil Young. Of Montreal is from Georgia but they're named after a bad ex of the bandleader who lived in Canada so that counts. Below are the instructions for adding to this week's Friday Mixtape: Oh Canada (it's funny because it's their anthem).
The playlist: Oh Canada
Add a song: Upload
Username: gawkercanada
Password: gawked
For reference, here is Wikipedia's exhaustive list of Canadian bands, and here's a shorter list.
Maybe I just have an inferiority complex about my novelty-music past, but I feel guilty about my love for song covers, particularly cross-genre covers. I even love when one hit song inspires dozens of covers. But instead of mocking the artists who remade "Crazy" or "Umbrella," shouldn't we honor them for reviving the "standards" tradition that enriched decades of jazz? Below are a few of my favorite sources for covers and the username and password for adding to this week's Friday Mixtape, "Cover Me."
To add to Gawker's playlist "Cover Me":
Page: Upload
User: Gawkercovers
Password: gawked
For more covers:
Remember our much-loved columnist the Underminer, the friend who casually destroys your life? Underminer author Mike Albo plays one version of him—a little too convincingly—in a video. After the jump: the Underminer goes to Total Foods.
I assumed until a few days ago that everyone had a playlist full of sad songs for when they felt really low. I mean I only had two mix CDs in college: Favorite new music, and the sad playlist. I've curated that sad playlist (now named "Blue") for six years. It's not that I'm a sad person, but a soundtrack soothes me in a time of sharp emotion, and certain songs will always hit me in the chest. So I've put a couple of songs from my "Blue" playlist on the Gawker Muxtape account. Below are the user name and password so you can upload a song to make the saddest playlist in the world.
Login page: Login
Username: gawkermix
Password: gawked
I only thought about the playlist recently because I hadn't played it in so long. In fact, it seemed like the past decade of my life can be told by recalling how often I played it: All the time growing up, to only rarely pulling it out now. Does anyone else measure their happiness by playlist?
I assumed until a few days ago that everyone had a playlist full of sad songs for when they felt really low. I mean I only had two mix CDs in college: Favorite new music, and the sad playlist. I've curated that sad playlist (now named "Blue") for six years. It's not that I'm a sad person, but a soundtrack soothes me in a time of sharp emotion, and certain songs will always hit me in the chest. So I've put a couple of songs from my "Blue" playlist on the Gawker Muxtape account. Below are the user name and password so you can upload a song to make the saddest playlist in the world.
Login page: Login
Username: gawkermix
Password: gawked
I only thought about the playlist recently because I hadn't played it in so long. In fact, it seemed like the past decade of my life can be told by recalling how often I played it: All the time growing up, to only rarely pulling it out now. Does anyone else measure their happiness by playlist?
Oh I can hardly believe it! Such language! No, not from the mewling hormone vessels (ack, remember those days?) on Gossip Girl, but rather the people who recap the episodes. The Calendar section of the LA Times recently made a funny (and possibly optimistic about teen sex) blunder while quoting the show in a next-day postmortem. Jenny, our littlest sexbot, was talking about her secretly homo boyfriend Asher and said "Is that why we went to third?" To which one of her silly friends replied "You went to third?" (Now, tell me because I'm curious, what is third to you? To me that means taking a ferry to fellatio farms or a caravan to cunnilingus corners, but I could be off.) Anyway, the LAT recapper, Jon Caramanica, thought they said "dessert" instead of "third." So his write up read: "Is that why we went dessert?" "You went dessert?!?!?!" As if they'd just been scarfing down fried macaroni and cheese and the Navajo chicken sandwich at Cheesecake Factory and then they'd gone for the cake. I guess it still works, actually. [From Regret the Error]
Real or fake, this is pretty funny. I didn't realize a straight-on-straight, Godzilla, model train, crabstick fetish existed, but apparently it does. Enjoy your weekend everybody. I'll be drinking in midtown if you want to find me. [Hysterical Paroxysm] Click through for larger image.
For the second Friday mixtape contest, give us the music you headbang to. While making mine, I discovered I am a girly man with no hard rock. But here is my headbanger playlist. Make yours at Muxtape.com. [Image of Metal Steve from Diesel Sweeties]
[Pretty pretty princess and Britney Spears apologist Chris Crocker in Lost Angeles yesterday. There are even worse pictures of this particular event than this one, if you can believe it. Image via WENN]
We all had fun sharing the music we like with Muxtape, the online playlist tool. But today I want to hear mixtapes along a theme: Boy or girl makes awkward come-on tape to an unrequited love who already has a significant other. Extra points if you stick to one genre. Make your own and link to it in the comments. Here's mine: I could be your boyfriend (if only you'd leave that jerk).

BASTARDLY ACCOUNTS! RECENT COMMENTS! OH MY GOD!
We’re switching over to the new version of our site (which actually looks very similar to our current version), so there might be some turbulence along the way. We’ve tried this move about 18 times within the past year, but we’re convinced the 19th attempt will work like a charm! Wish us luck, damn it!!
- Hilary Duff And Yuna Ito Will Make You Hungry! [HollywoodTuna]
- Inmates Do Soulja Boy and Hammer [CO-ED Magazine]
- Gemma Ward Looks Like a Wreck [Drunken Stepfather, NSFW]
- Lauren Conrad Filming The Hills [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Mischa Barton in L.A. [Celebslam]
- Mariah Carey… oh the excitement [The Bastardly Society]
- Verwend nest [Flabber]
- The Wino has been offered $1 million [Dlisted]
- Rihanna wants bigger boobs [Tasteful Celebs]
- Kelly Osbourne looks like she had too much to drink [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Justin Timberlake’s 70s pr0n star look in “The Love Guru” [Cele|bitchy]
- Natalie Portman Sexes Up Letterman [CityRag]
- Bye Bye Robbie Carrico . . . and Your Wig [Fatback Media]
- More Reasons to Hate Tom Brady [DerekHail]
- Brad Pitt debuted a new high and tight haircut [Celeb Warship]
- Sexiest Action Movie Babe Topless Scenes [Uber]
- Bijou Phillips Bikini Malfunction Pictures [The Grumpiest]
- Amanda Beard does the bikini [The Blemish]
- New Iron Man Trailer Rules! [Popoholic]
- Are you a Bastardly Lady of the Day? [The Bastardly]
And, have you guys heard the hottest podcast on the Internet? It’s done by fellow Bastard, Mr. Phillip McCracken. The NY Times calls him a podcast genius. This week Phil talks about Jamie Lynn & fucking Stacy Keibler…enjoy. Hear the full podcast here.

Alyssa Milano Talks ‘My Name Is Earl’
It’s back to business for Alyssa Milano after the writers’ strike! Alyssa sits down with Access and gives us a sneak peak of what to expect in the upcoming season. “My Name is Earl” returns on Thursday, April 3rd with a special one-hour episode. [Access Hollywood]

Victoria’s Revelation
Brand Is ‘Too Sexy,’ Chief Says
Victoria’s Secret is trying to recalibrate. Fourth-quarter sales of fragrance and the collegiate-inspired Pink label grew, but sales of bras, panties and beauty products declined. Turney said the company will aim its marketing and merchandise at 26-year-olds, holding extensive focus groups and walking through malls with them. The company did similar research when it launched Pink, which has become a staple in dorm rooms.
Turney pointed to the company’s Super Bowl ad this year as an example of its new direction. The spot featured model Adriana Lima in a black lace tank top and undies seductively tossing a football as she lounged in a chair.
Somewhere in Japan a ragtag group of people on some sort of television show got together and (some donning black face) reenacted, with eerie precision, the famous pile-up of celebrities that is the video for 1985's charity song "We Are The World". Japanese Michael Jackson! Japanese Cyndi Lauper! Japanese Lionel Richie! Even Japanese Ray Charles! No matter that this has nothing to do with anything. We just can't send you into the comfort of the weekend without first making you ponder the fact that things such as this exist. Video after the jump.
Friday Night Lights, that show that no one watches but everyone loves, may be getting a stay of execution. The "football as metaphor for small town America" program (and especially its lead pair, Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton) has a rabid cult following and support from critics and Neel Shahs all over the place, which has kept it afloat far longer than a low rated show should expect. With the strike, though, it looked like FNL had snapped the ball one last shaky-camera-ed, beautifully scored time. Sad, emotive bloggers (and some of my friends) would not stop moaning about it. But, lo! What light over yonder bleachers breaks?
Nü NBC, under the tutelage of funky young exec Ben Silverman, may be giving the show a chance, via an alternative programming strategy. They're thinking they might try sharing the show with some other networks, The CW being one possibility. NBC tried this earlier this season with Law & Order: CI, which started in the fall on USA, but was switched back over to NBC when the strike began. One potential roadblock could be NBC's reportedly high asking price, but I suppose they've earned that. It really is genuinely aw shucks refreshing to see a major network give so much care and attention to adored but audience-less shows like FNL (and 30 Rock). Here's hoping it'll come back so I can go back to ignoring it. [Variety]
Virginia Heffernan (and supposedly other people) lives in constant dread that her beloved Friday Night Lights will be canceled. It's her favorite show but draws only half the viewers of many other, dumber shows. Heffernan, the our favorite breathless TV critic, mournfully parses the situation in the Times Magazine, and it's sort of like when your articulate but totally misguided friend explains why nobody's into her fiance. She chalks up the show's flop to the unwavering artistic integrity of its creators and a lack of sophistication that leads laypeople to reject high art, just like when Shakespeare wrote the totally under-appreciated first season and a half of Hamlet. Hey, remember the time Heffernan compared lonelygirl15 to Jane Austen? We sure do. [New York Times]
Virginia Heffernan (and supposedly other people) lives in constant dread that her beloved Friday Night Lights will be canceled. It's her favorite show but draws only half the viewers of many other, dumber shows. Heffernan, the our favorite breathless TV critic, mournfully parses the situation in the Times Magazine, and it's sort of like when your articulate but totally misguided friend explains why nobody's into her fiance. She chalks up the show's flop to the unwavering artistic integrity of its creators and a lack of sophistication that leads laypeople to reject high art, just like when Shakespeare wrote the totally under-appreciated first season and a half of Hamlet. Hey, remember the time Heffernan compared lonelygirl15 to Jane Austen? We sure do. [New York Times]

I have no idea how she was so damn hot in Jerry Maguire? Maybe I need to watch it again to double check…

Do you ever sit around asking yourself, “What’s the greatest thing about 1986?” Well whatever your answer was, you’re completely wrong. The greatest thing about 1986 isn’t the Soviet Union launching the Mir space station, it isn’t the Chicago Bears winning the Super Bowl, and it definitely isn’t the treaty that ended the Three Hundred and Thirty Five Years’ War between the Netherlands and the Isles of Scilly (yes I knew all of those things on my own and Wikipedia didn’t do a damn thing). It is Jermaine Stewart’s cautionary pop masterpiece, “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off (to Have a Good Time)” or “WDHTTOCOTHAGT” as I call it. I actually write that enough that spell check doesn’t notice it anymore. In case you missed this gem in the eighties, it gives us ladies the male perspective on dating, noting, “You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip” and “I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain.” No I don’t have any idea how we females made it this far in our romantic lives without access to this knowledge. According to Jermaine Stewart, “A man wants to be approached cool and romantically.” And he definitely, definitely wants you to keep your clothes on.
Remember about ten years ago when Conan O’Brien randomly became obsessed with Dirty Dancing? He got so into it that the movie developed a brand new cult following and was eventually re-released all around the country. Now I don’t delude myself into thinking I have Conan’s following (it can’t be more than half, at the most). But I think we may have the power (and by power, I mean email forwarding en masse) to reinvigorate the greater North American population - screw that, the world as a whole - with this amazing song. So email this page to your friends, your family, your local radio station, and most importantly your congressperson… whoever it takes. I’m pretty sure both liberals and conservatives should love this song. It appeals to the cherry wine drinker in all of us. And frankly, I’m kind of surprised and fairly concerned that it’s not already part of George Bush’s “abstinence only” curriculum. Have you ever experienced anything that so made you want to put on a parka and not have sex?
Fair warning: listening to this song/watching the awesome choreography WILL make you want to have a dance party. There’s a chance I’m having one right now. There’s also a chance it involves a bright blue unitard originally worn in my 5th grade tap dancing class. Spandex is very forgiving. Don’t hate, I can whip out a buffalo faster than you can call me a loser. Now pass me some cherry wine.

And the Wiki says…
Sara Ramírez (born August 31, 1975) is an Mexican-American actress and singer. She won the 2005 Tony Award for Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical for her role as The Lady of the Lake in Monty Python’s Spamalot, and is a member of the cast of Grey’s Anatomy. She can also be glimpsed as Rose, the Zabar’s Cashier, in You’ve Got Mail, and the cop at the carjacking in Spider-Man. [Wiki]
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(WENN)
Friday Five. It needs no introduction. It's like a hot, one-night stand in the back of a seedy bar. We don't need to talk. Just relax and...let it happen.
1. What The Hell? - Not that J. had anything to do with the creation of this picture, but it is just so mesmerizing and strange that it alone warrants its own entry here in the Friday Five. And then I have to give J. an E for Effort for clearly doing his best to try and sound constructive and not completely stunned, like the rest of us.
2. Wet - I love that if I were ten years old in the 80s, this totally would have been my Trapper Keeper cover. Also, J. seconds my emotion when he says that he'd much rather hear Mariah Carey dish on her trip to Crazy Town, than on how great her album is.
3. The Olsen Twins Are Psych(ot)ic - I have a feeling that against his better judgment, J. wrote up this post and is currently being haunted by the spirits of twins Ashley and Mary-Kate. But he's such a dedicated blogger that he doesn't even mind that his walls are bleeding.
4. Star Jones Drops The Charade - You know what you were thinking when you read the headline. So did J. He needs to quit playing games with our collective heart.
5. Alli Sims Steps Up Her Master Plan - If it weren't for J., I would have no idea who this Alli Sims character is. Or any knowledge of the plot of "Les Miserables."
ALSO, don't forget that we have TWO GIVEAWAYS going on at the moment for you guys:
One is for a mini-gardening bag for "Weeds," which is set to premiere it's third season on Monday, August 13th at 10PM on Showtime. For more info on how enter, click here.
The other is for Interpol's latest CD, "Our Love to Admire." Check out how to enter here.
And LAST BUT NOT LEAST, free shipping at Locher's until August 15th!