The nifty technology of TiVo is killing the advertisers that subsidize free television, which is why TiVos are so widely used by greedy socialists such as yourself. The friendly Domino's Pizza corporation, however, has figured out a way to work with TiVo to both enrich themselves and serve you, the lazy American consumer. Aren't you tired of having to push buttons on a telephone to summon a pizza to your doorstep?
Well there's no need to exercise your pudgy fingers any more! Because now when you try to skip over a Domino's ad, it will automatically give you the option of ordering a pizza through your TiVo. This is a breakthrough in ease of service to our nation's cheese-laden bellies:
"We believe that interactive television ordering is the future," Mr. Weisberg says. "Why even get up off that couch now?" In traditional ordering, there are numerous "barriers to purchase," he says, such as turning up a competing takeout menu while looking for the Domino's flier or deciding to eat from your own refrigerator after going to it in search of a Domino's magnet.
Not sure how this fits in with the national obesity crisis. [WSJ; pic via]
Here's a preposterous contrarian strategy: Evil diamond merchant De Beers is more than doubling its marketing spending this holiday season, because they have "new research showing diamond jewelry will be the number-one gift for the holidays in 2008." Oh really? Diamonds made out of compressed 
Happy (in a somber way) Veteran's Day. If you're a young American aged 17-24, you might consider honoring the sacrifices of our men and women in uniform by joining the United States Army yourself! Sounds good, no? We all know the Army has been having some recruitment problems lately, what with the hopeless wars we're fighting and the psycho Commander in Chief and the excellent chance of being blown up. But the Army has decided to 
How did all those shady mortgage companies get America's finances all fucked up in the first place? By using the freakish amount of publicly available data about all of our lives to target those people who were the most needy, vulnerable, and ignorant, and reel them into unsustainable debt. Now that everything is screwed up, how are financial companies going to pull us out of this mess? The exact same way!
Man, Halloween is going to suck this year. A hollow-eyed populace, hobbled by the Wall Street meltdown and unable to afford real costumes, will just wander the streets aimlessly, their kids draped in old bedsheets or festooned with cardboard cutouts in the rough shape of a pirate hat, begging their poverty-stricken neighbors for a boiled egg or a pinch of precious table sugar. Even the corporate bloodsuckers—who normally use Halloween as a marketing opportunity, to drain every last cent out of us in order to blow it on worthless Candy Corn futures—can see what's happening. The only monster this year is ourselves:
It's like the story of rise and fall of American hubris itself: once upon a time, in the heady days of 2005, Procter & Gamble decided that consumers would not be satisfied with a mere four-blade razor. So they launched Fusion, which boasted five blades and an embedded mini-vibrator, so that American men could enjoy the closest shave in the free world and then pleasure their wives, secure in the knowledge that Osama bin Laden is a hairy bastard shivering in a cave with no sex toys or women, so there. But our shaving pride came before the fall! Now that the US economy has collapsed, all these terribly 
" The Economist is spoofing the game Twister, distributing pizza boxes that improbably bear its name and sponsoring a performance of political satire by the Second City theatrical troupe ." [
Viral video 
Is Sarah Palin merely a pawn for the powerful hunting industry, being used to lure in women to become the newest consumers in the sport's thrill kill cult? Well that would probably be an overstatement. But it is true that hunting interests have been recruiting women hardcore lately, and they're 
Who's ready for Christmas? The answer is: you, the consumer. Don't be one of those Grinches who grumbles and grouses about how the ads for Christmas items seem to start earlier every year. You're right, they do, so what? It just means more time for you to 
Could the current US economic 
The original movie poster for the new Kevin Smith flick, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, was
The gays have always been an attractive demographic for advertisers because they're generally affluent, have more disposable income (fewer babies!), and tend to be more reliable early adopters of trends than slobby straights. So all-American brands love to get on the gays' good side. As long as they don't have to directly market to them, because under Man Law that would make them homo by association, and their sales in Texas would absolutely plunge. But times have officially changed, cowboy; Levi's is going straight to the gays with a gay 
The entire 
A select group of New York's "most discerning readers" have been invited to receive a free, one-year, no strings attached subscription to the failing, 
Is America ready for fashion endorsements from regular people? To clarify, "regular" means "A person who is famous in some way, but not pretty." It's a heartwarming concept, but the answer is "no." Americans will never relinquish our devotion to models (though we have been known to tolerate
So this is what Barack meant by "it's about you." I feel so used! 
Hard to believe our nation's star athletes have time to go to the gym and practice jumpshots or whatever, what with all their marketing strategy meetings and reality shows and plotting to invade China like the second coming of opium. Sports stars and their sponsors have known for years that China is the market of the future—"If only 1% of Chinese buy our sneakers, that's $300 million more in revenue blah blah..." just like every other business in the world. But the Olympics have whet athletes' appetites even more. They want to rule China. The question is, why is China letting them do it?
Good morning, mysterious "weekend" readers! Where are you rising and shining from today? New York City? Kansas City? A garbage-strewn gutter somewhere in Mexico City, wondering what happened to your wallet and your dignity? Hey, at least you're not waking up in New Jersey, amirite? Zing. Apologies to those of you who are waking up in New Jersey. But not to fear: the reputation of postindustrial wastelands like 
"The truth is that Lorillard markets its Newport brand cigarettes to adult smokers of all ethnicities," 
The public 
Guns "N" Roses' "new" album Chinese Democracy—insert standard joke about album taking longer to happen than actual democracy in China—
You think you're clever with your Tivo, 
A donor to the Barack Obama presidential campaign forwarded an email from the Democratic candidate offering very special early notification when Obama picks his running mate. Obama even offered to text the guy's phone with the news just as soon as it's decided. "You have helped build this movement from the bottom up, and Barack wants you to be the first to know his choice," the campaign wrote. Only problem? Obama is saying the same exact thing to 
It was fun while it lasted, but the monstrous creature that washed up in Montauk, Long Island 
Apparently trying to get people to "CRAVE" their ugly, 20-mile-per-gallon (city!) CR-V crossover, Honda made a dopey, 
An alarming trend in market research has just come to our attention: 
The economy is tanking and everybody is foraging for grubs rather than spending their hoarded nickels eating out at casual dining establishments. Poor Bennigan's 
Children under 12 are the targets of almost $1 billion in marketing spending from food companies every year. What are they being sold? Pop-tarts, fast food, crackers, gum, sugary cereals, and the other things that good moms don't let their kids eat. But! The food industry has graciously 
Kudos are in order to the public relations company that "tipped" us earlier today about the 
I have to admit I didn't know that people actually physically picked up and visited and/ or moved to New Zealand just because they loved the Lord of the Rings movies. This is a fact, apparently, but what's the rationale? Hoping to run into a fantasy battle scene? I don't see it. Nevertheless, Australia is now planning to 