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ANALYSIS,
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For the fifth time, Britney Spears skipped her deposition in her ongoing custody battle with Kevin Federline. Last time, she claimed she was sick and couldn’t go, but was later seen driving around LA. This time, she didn’t even make an excuse. As a result, her lawyer, Sorrell Trope, filed a request to withdraw from her case. This is the third time Spears’ lawyer has asked to quit. Trope says, “There has been a breakdown in communications between (Spears) and Trope & Trope (law firm) making further representation of her interests impossible.” Meaning, Britney didn’t listen to her lawyer’s advice and everything she does makes things worse.
At this point, there’s no way Britney is getting full custody of her kids. She probably won’t even get full custody of her pets. In fact, anything mammalian sounding needs to be kept away from Britney like hot dogs and horse radish. I doubt she even cares. If you asked her what she was fighting for, she’d shrug her shoulders and say, “Chili cheese fries? I don’t know. What’s with the 20 questions? Pass me that drumstick and that stick of butter. Britney’s hungry!”
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Britney Spears is still so hung up on her parents that she wouldn’t let her two kids open their Christmas presents and hid them instead. Britney even contemplated sending them back still wrapped. K-Fed, the sensible one, told Britney to stop acting like a spoiled brat.
“He asked her to give them to him and he would let them open them.” Upset with the aspiring rapper-actor, Britney then “bragged a lot about what she bought them just to piss him off, but Kevin expected her to do that,” said the source. Luckily, “Santa” was good to the angelic children with troubled lives. Added the insider, “The kids got lots of toys, including some LeapFrog learning goodies and miniature cars.”
Opening up presents in the Spears household would be quite an experience. Tearing through wrapping paper smeared with peanut butter only to find out mommy wrapped a half-eaten bucket of KFC instead of a Robodog because she was drunk out of her mind sounds pretty fun. For me I mean. For the boys, I expect them to be wide-eyed with anticipation when they see the present, followed by a look of bewilderment when they open it up and finally, a shrug of indifference as if to say, “Meh. We figured as much,” when they discover she mixed cigarette butts in with the chicken bones. Ah, Christmas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Again, for me I mean.
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Britney Spears continued her descent into madness over the weekend. OK! Magazine reports that the pudgy mess changed outfits three times during the night, stopped at four gas station restrooms, yelled at Sam Lufti and tried to book studio time,
…where witnesses overheard her unleashing a profanity-filled tirade at her friend Sam Lutfi over her cell phone. And when that unpleasant conversation came to and end, the Toxic singer decided to phone up a recording studio to book space. When she was given the bad news that there weren’t any rooms available, witnesses tell OK! she let loose on the poor receptionist, hollering through the phone, “I need a f**ing studio now. Don’t tell me you don’t know who I am. F*** you. I need it now, not tomorrow!”
asked a photog to drive her around town,
At one point, the mother of two invited a photographer named Phillipe to join her and her assistant in the car. The young man accepted the invite and spent the next hour or so in the backseat as Britney tooled aimlessly around L.A. in her Mini Cooper, blowing through red light after red light.
…the singer and her assistant ask Phillipe to take them to a Target store. And when he tells her that Target is closed, she responds with, “I don’t care. Take me there anyway.”
then called another one, Adnan, who she thought was cute to come drive her instead (which he did after speeding down from Santa Barbara to Malibu),
Through the window of Adnan’s car, witnesses can see Britney playing with Adnan’s hat, while they drive for over and hour back down to L.A.
stopped in the middle of the street and screamed at photogs when they wouldn’t let her take a picture of a mural,
“You guys get a million pictures of me. Just let me get one for myself. No I can take it. I don’t want you to take it. Move out of the way you f***ng a***holes. You stupid f***s. I can’t see. Move! I can’t take a picture with you standing there, you m***f***rs. You’re f***ing stupid. Shut up.”
apologized a minute later,
“I love you guys,” she tells the assembled crowd with a smile. “I’m just in a bad mood. It’s not like me to get mad at you.”
and finally took Adnan back to her place where they may or may not have had sex until 10:25 a.m.,
An hour later, Adnan leaves the hotel for a few minutes to buy cigarettes. When asked if there’s any romance going on he responds cryptically, “It’s hard to make babies when you’re just having lunch.”
Upon leaving, he joked to his fellow snappers that he and Brit are getting hitched, which some insiders think might not be unbelievable. “He’s one of the hotter-looking photographers out there,” one insider tells OK!. “He and Brit have been flirting for months now. He’s always the one to pump her gas, or hold her car door open for her, or run crowd-control to help her out. He always puts himself in the position of being the knight in shining armor.”
I’m not sure why I just gave you a detailed account of Britney’s Saturday night. You could have thought of the most retarded thing Britney could do and chances are 90% of what you imagined would be like this. More videos of Britney being crazy after the jump.
(more…)
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Thinking excuses that held true when she was in kindergarten still hold true today, Britney Spears called in sick to her court ordered deposition yesterday. However, that didn’t stop her from driving around until 2 a.m. and traveling to her favorite hot spot, the gas station. While there, the fumes proved too much for Britney as after her assistant filled up the car, Britney drove off leaving her behind. The assistant had to call Britney to tell her she forgot something. I didn’t hear the conversation, but I think Britney wanted her to walk home until her assistant told her she had an extra drumstick in her pocket. It’s said that the screeching of tires could be heard all the way from Arizona as Britney made a mad dash back.
Meanwhile, MSNBC says not to expect Britney at any future court dates because she’ll most likely be sick.
“Britney feels like this is a perfectly acceptable thing to do,” said a source close to Spears. “She did feel sick, but more than anything, she felt like she didn’t have to do something just because she was told.”
“She would do anything for those babies,” one former employee was quick to point out. “But she really doesn’t believe that she’s going to lose them. She’s not connecting the dots.”
Britney’s already putting thermometers under hot water. When the doctor comes he’ll quizzically ask, “It says you have a fever of 160 degrees Fahrenheit.” “That is correct, Sir,” Britney will reply followed by a quick succession of fake coughs. The doctor will give a blank stare, throw his hands up and walk away. Britney will throw her hands up and do a victory dance.
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Britney Spears defied court orders and chose not to go to her deposition citing “sickness.” TMZ says,
One source directly in contact with Britney tells us, “There’s a million people outside of her house. She can see all the other madness (presumably she’s looking at our live streaming video). The anxiety is making her sick. It’s just too crazy.”
Britney possesses two things. A false sense of entitlement and a glandular problem. I think the latter is to blame here. She’s always been a little overzealous when it came to eating Ding-Dongs in the morning. They need to put a warning label on those things. “May cause nausea,” or “If you’ve eaten 24 of me, you’ve eaten too much, Britney.” Knowing her she’d probably eat the wrapper too so the outcome would have been the same.
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Miss Little “yes i will supersize that” will be questioned today in her ongoing custody case. According to People,
A source close to the case expects Spears’s testimony, taken under oath, to last no more than one day. It begins in the morning at the offices of Federline’s attorneys.
It’s expected that Spears will be grilled about her past drug and alcohol use, her alleged failure to follow court orders, and anything that reveals whether she’s a fit mother.
“A deposition can be emotionally draining, because Kevin’s lawyer can ask very personal questions about her relationship with her kids – and she’ll be under oath,” explains L.A. family lawyer Lynn Soodik, who’s not involved with the case.
The stuff they left out includes stripping nude in clubs and stores, driving kids without seat belts or stored improperly in the wrong direction in their car seats, the bubbling grease from her industrial deep frier, the overall wanton disregard for the safety of those lovable future foster kids. This deposition might be a joke. There’s no way she’s getting her kids back because how will she parent the next time when inevitably, her vagina screams to be set free from its jail made of cloth and elastic and show itself to paparazzi across the world? She will drop her screaming and crying kids to the ground, while her vagina lurches uncontrollably, like Frankenstein, towards the flashing bulbs of publicity hounds. - Captain Swarthy
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Britney Spears was about to leave a gas station in Van Nuys after buying some gum when she went back and stole a lighter off the display case. She then turned around, looked in the camera and sarcastically said,
“I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”
Luckily, the store owner isn’t going to press charges for the $1.39 lighter and has even said he wants her to come by more often. This guy missed a perfect opportunity. If this was me, I’d have jumped over the counter and punched her out. After which, I imagine someone in the crowd would slowly start clapping and eventually, all of L.A. would erupt in thunderous applause. I’d become king of Hollywood and fair maidens would feed me grapes while I lie on my golden bed watching my lesbian fantasies come to fruition. I don’t see how it could end any other way.
Bonus video: Britney cussing out the paps. It’s scary how fat people have a dark side. I thought they were supposed to be jovial all the time.
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What was supposed to be a photo shoot for a family Christmas card turned out to be another example of opportunistic people taking advantage of Britney Spears. Dani Brubaker was commissioned to take some personal pictures of Britney and her kids in the backyard, but without being given a confidentiality agreement, Dani was able to send out a press release bragging she took pictures of Britney and her kids.
Her fatal error, according to the source, “was choosing a photographer who had no reason to be faithful to Britney. Who knows whether Dani will turn around down the road and sell the proofs. It shows that there is no one advising this poor girl.”
Here’s part of the press release,
The photos, taken in Ms. Spears home, depict the children and Ms. Spears playing in the yard. The classic, black and white photographs are stunningly beautiful and represent the bond between the children and their mother. Ms. Spears was overwhelmed with the images. About the experience Dani says, “The kids were so adorable, it’s obvious they are well loved.”
I can’t tell if this was low or not. On one hand, Dani is exploiting Britney for more work. On the other, she says nice things about Britney and it’s not like she released the pictures (did she?). These moral quandaries give me such a headache. That’s why I carry a quarter around with me at all times. Hmm, that burger the homeless guy is about to eat looks tasty. Heads I steal it from him and run, tails I push him over, then steal it and run. Don’t fail me now George Washington.
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