No, not Putin! Ha ha! In an effort to ramp up competition with the United States, Russia has produced its own version of the feared and revered Montauk Monster. It's the Moscow Monster! Its carcass washed ashore on the Eastern coast of the Motherland, indicating that Sarah Palin likely shot it from hundreds of yards away in Alaska, while nestled in her rooftop hunting blind. Russian scientists have yet to identify the creature. Note that it is a more hideous and distorted version of the kinder, gentler American original (but don't worry, some good Russian things recently washed up on our shores). Click through for larger, horrifying image.
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Dead Monster Washes Ashore In Russia [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: October 3rd, 2008, 1:22pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
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Two And A Half Men: The Worst Show Everyone Else Is Watching [Stuff Your Parents Like]
Posted: September 29th, 2008, 5:50pm CDT by Dashiell Bennett
Tags: stuff Your Parents like
In some circles, the CBS sitcom "Two And A Half Men" is considered the poster child for all that is wrong with television. Thirty minutes of hacky setup-punchline shtick, starring two never-were has-beens of the 1980s who mug their way through rehashed formulaic claptrap that could only appeal to the lowest of low common denominators. It's not a hip sensation like "Gossip Girl" or "Project Runway," it's not lauded as highly as critical darlings like "30 Rock" or "The Office," nor does it dominate the national conversation like the ur-myth of our days, "The Hills." Unlike those shows, however, people actually watch "Two And A Half Men." And so should you, at least once, if only to know how the rest of America entertains itself while you're raging against the machine. Of course, if you're reading this you probably know next to nothing about the show, which is why we present "The Beginner's Guide to 'Two And A Half Men'" below.The premise: Charlie Sheen plays Charlie (of course), a consummate swinging bachelor, who for reasons that are not clear nor important, is independently wealthy and lives by himself in a giant Malibu beach pad. His little brother Alan (played by "Pretty In Pink"'s Jon Cryer) and Alan's son Jake (played by the world-weary Angus T. Jones) suddenly find themselves homeless after Alan's wife cleaned him out in their divorce. So the two adult brothers—who could not be more different!—are forced to live together once again, while raising the young boy (roughly age 10 when the series started 5 years ago).
Side characters: The boys are frequently visited by a staple of female characters that like to intrude on and wreak havoc with their lives. Charlie's sassy, overweight housekeeper, Berta; next door neighbor Rose, a pretty neurotic whose obsession with Charlie borders on stalking; Judith, Alan's ex-wife and Jake's mother, who Alan still harbors feelings for despite her ability to make him miserable; and Charlie and Alan's oversexed, absentee mother Evelyn, played by TV workhorse Holland Taylor.
Recurring Themes: Charlie is the 21st century Sam Malone, a smooth-talking lothario who beds a steady stream of increasingly improbable babes, while successfully avoiding commitment at all costs. His brother Alan, is the polar opposite—a neurotic single father whose bad luck with women knows no bounds. The kid, believe it or not, is wise beyond his years and a bit of a smart aleck. The three of them butt heads, trade barbs, and constantly tease each other about their various foibles. Charlie's antics often land him into trouble, which his more responsible younger brother often rescues him from; even as the carefree Charlie tries to teach the uptight Alan how to loosen up. It also has an adorable theme song and is produced by Chuck Lorre, the guy who created "Dharma and Greg" and puts those freeze frame vanity cards at the end of all his shows.
That probably sounds very familiar ... and it is. Which is precisely why people like it. The show has been nominated for 23 Emmys, including two for Best Comedy Series and three each for Charlie Sheen (Best Actor), Jon Cryer (Best Supporting Actor), and Holland Taylor (Best Supporting Actress). More tellingly, it has won the People's Choice Award for Favorite Comedy Series twice. It has ratings of 8.7 on IMDb and 9.1 on TV.com. It has consistently been the highest rated comedy on television and finished in the Top 20 of the Nielsen ratings (for all shows) every year it's been on the air. People love this damn show.
And you know what? It's not that bad. Predictable, yes. Safe and obvious, yes. But the kid is pretty talented, the jokes hit their targets, and Charlie Sheen is just so damn likable. In real life, he is a notorious drug user, prostitute buyer, 9/11 conspiracy nut, and his divorce is currently the nastiest tabloid feud there is. But the guy also has a Hanes underwear ad with Michael Jordan. You know who doesn't have a Hanes underwear commercial? Chase Crawford, because your mom doesn't know who that is.
If you haven't watched it before, give it at least one chance tonight ... and join in our live blog at 9:00 ET! That's right—a live blog of "Two And A Half Men." Haters can hate, lovers can love, but we think everyone will have an opinion on that. See you then!
Seriously? OMG! WTF?
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How I Met Your Mother meets Regis!
Posted: September 29th, 2008, 12:38pm CDT by SeriouslyOMGWTF
Tags: how i Met Your Mother
Television personality Regis Philbin meets a burger-mad Marshall while on his quest to find the restaurant where he had his very first New York burger
Regis Philbin is back on prime time tonight and this time it is on CBS’s How I Met Your Mother at 8:30p! Just from that clip you can tell the episode is going to be hysterical!
addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fseriouslyomg.com%2F%3Fp%3D9287'; addthis_title = 'How+I+Met+Your+Mother+meets+Regis%21'; addthis_pub = 'seriously';
So make sure to watch How I Met Your Mother which is the meat between the Chuck Lorre bread shows (The Big Bang Theory at 8p and Two and a Half Men at 9p) in the funny sandwich on CBS tonight and every Monday!
cityrag
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Explain This Picture...
Posted: September 24th, 2008, 11:35am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Explain This Picture... Click for hilarious & plausible explanations of these strange photos!... Clean Dirty Photos Funny Uh-Oh Moments
Seriously? OMG! WTF?
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How I Met Your Mother on Lifetime
Posted: September 24th, 2008, 7:47am CDT by SeriouslyOMGWTF
Tags: how i Met Your Mother
There was a battle going on in the TV World for who would get the syndication rights to How I Met Your Mother and the winner is Lifetime according to The Hollywood Reporter. Out of all the networks that the show could repeat on, I never would have thought Lifetime.JoAnn Alfano, Lifetime’s new executive vp entertainment, said “Mother” is a good fit for the network’s lineup. “It’s fresh and contemporary,” she said. “There are not a lot of shows out there that are right for us, so it was really important to go after this.”
Even though the announcement was made in 2008, the repeats will not start airing until 2010. I can’t wait to see the above episode again on the small screen!
addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fseriouslyomg.com%2F%3Fp%3D9242'; addthis_title = 'How+I+Met+Your+Mother+on+Lifetime'; addthis_pub = 'seriously';
Gawker
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OMG! Gossip Girl Preview Clips! [TV Rots Your Brain]
Posted: September 20th, 2008, 5:13pm CDT by ian spiegelman
Tags: tv Rots Your brain
Admittedly, I don't know who these people are, or what on earth they're talking about, but I do know these are clips from the upcoming episode of Gossip Girl and that many, many otherwise sane adults are hopelessly addicted to it. So dig in![via OhNoTheyDidn't]
cityrag
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Sarah Palin Jerk Off
Posted: September 19th, 2008, 7:57am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Sarah Palin Jerk Off Something we can all come together on, this is one insanely funny video.... I Masturbated To Sarah Palin John McCain's Chipmunk Head -
The Hottest Muppets?
Posted: September 18th, 2008, 12:49pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
The Hottest Muppets? We've learned to expect anything on the internet, but this is just wrong, and really funny. Who didn't crush on the Mahna Mahna Girls?... The Top 5 Hottest Muppets Bonus: Celebrities That Look Like Muppets!
Gawker
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The Bad Moms' Club [We Hate Your Kids]
Posted: September 18th, 2008, 11:34am CDT by Sheila
Tags: We hate Your Kids
Home-schooling? So over. Try city-schooling your kids at the Met and trendy bars. That's what The Professors' Wives' Club author Joanne Rendell is doing. How does an un-schooled Manhattan five-year-old spend his days? It has its advantages: "Un-kindergarten for us means Benny can sleep late so I can write. It means we don't have to worry about bedtimes and can go out on the town with friends any night of the week. We can go to Europe and visit my family when the flights are cheap..."Heh. It's like she's trying to provoke criticism from the blogs.
"Now, in the warm afternoon sun, Benny is playing with two other kids in a strip of mud in a small backyard. His two friends are completely naked. Benny has on his underpants and a pair of socks. Almost every inch of childish skin, cotton, and hair is covered with wet, sticky dirt. The kids are completely absorbed in the task at hand: burying a bobbing-eyed baby doll in the dirt. At the moment, the doll's torso and legs are completely submerged. Her head is exposed, but one eyelid is held down by mud. An earthworm wriggles just a couple of inches away from the doll's shining plastic scalp.
We mothers and one father sit nearby drinking cool beer..."Confused. Is the burying the doll in the mud part a metaphor? Because that's metaphorically what we do all day at work, too.
Unschooling [Babble]
cityrag
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Robert Schimmel Explains The Shocker
Posted: September 16th, 2008, 12:34pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Robert Schimmel Explains The Shocker Comedian Robert Schimmel is a dark, raw, New Yorker who tells it like it is and can be crazy funny. Like when he talks about blow-job maneuvering and having "the shocker" explained to him by...
Gawker
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Someone Lost Their Kid—He's in the Sex Shop [We Hate Your Kids]
Posted: September 15th, 2008, 3:01pm CDT by Sheila
Tags: We hate Your Kids
A child, photographed inside the Park Slope, Brooklyn's newest sex-toy shop, Babeland. Proof that Park Slope yoga-moms will stridently insist on taking their kids everywhere, from last year's babies-in-bars battle to this year's high-class porn emporium fiasco. (My ovaries are screaming at me to use protection.) [via Brownstoner]
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New Monster Terrorizes Hartford [Goodluck With Your Hartford Demons]
Posted: September 12th, 2008, 4:38pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Goodluck with Your hartford demons
(No, not insurance companies, har har) The summer of monsters is not quite over! There's a new scaly fellow prowling the Northeast. This one was photographed in swimming in a West Hartford reservoir by some kinda-crackpotty lady. It's got spikes and sorta looks like a stegosaurus mixed with an octopus. A stegopus. Don't worry, no one drinks that water, officials say, so there's no threat of contamination. Monster contamination. Now, everyone go to Hartford! —Sincerely, Hartford Tourism Board
cityrag
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Learn To Fight Dirty
Posted: September 10th, 2008, 12:27pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Learn To Fight Dirty Shin kicks, spit-takes, dirty holds and handlebar mustaches! Double Viking defies you to "find a self-defense video more awesome than this one" - Greatest Self-Defense Video EVER! Cheerleader Fights Happen System of a Kid Fight Cat...
Gawker
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Literary A-Gay the Most Popular Sperm Donor in Town [We Hate Your Kids]
Posted: September 10th, 2008, 11:30am CDT by Sheila
Tags: We hate Your Kids
Ira Silverberg is a well-known literary agent and a well-known gay—his partner is the former New York Times etiquette columnist Bob Morris. He has borne not one but two children via his sperm, reports the Observer. “For years I’ve had one very close friend who always said, ‘When I have a child, I’d like you to think about being the father'... [then] the call came and I hit it on the first shot. Delivered in a baby food jar." Thanks for that, Ira. Kid's gonna love reading this. Remember: privacy begins at conception! [NYO; photo Fishbowl NYC]
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Is There Money In International News? (No.) [Good Luck With Your Foreign Desk Demons]
Posted: September 9th, 2008, 1:58pm CDT by Moe
Tags: Good luck with Your Foreign
Ruh-roh, Kim Jong-Il is sick, what happens when he dies? Hell if we know!! And will we truly know tomorrow or whenever this guy gets back to the executive assistant charged with Explainer-ing it for Slate? Not really! As literary Tumblrer Keith Gessen pointed out while trying to make sense of the whole Ossetia mess, you know there's a redundant "inadequacy" to the international news in our dying newspapers when even bloggers with the attention spans of Piper Palin feel it. But isn't that because our dying newspapers have mostly killed their foreign bureaus because there's no money in it?Yes! Which is why, as readers, we are happy these guys from Boston have founded the Politico of international news. (It is already poaching people from Politico.) And those newsroom cutbacks may enable Global News Enterprises LLC.* to put together a pretty strong team. From an announcement in March:
The Boston Globe foreign correspondent Charles M. Sennott leaves April 4 to become executive editor and VP for Global News Enterprises LLC, a new Boston-based website that launches next year to cover international news. Other contributors to the new site will include The New York Times Magazine contributing writer Scott Anderson, Times of London bureau chief Sam Kiley, Newsweek reporter Joshua Hammer and Newsday foreign reporter Matthew McAllester. The site will be led by New England Cable News founder Philip S. Balboni.
Since then we have heard they've added Meline Toumani, formerly of the Times Magazine** as a full-time staffer.
So what does it all mean? A gaping black money hole is what Denton predicts! International news, see, is the only sort of content less attractive to advertisers than politics***. And as we have pointed out before, Politico, despite all its trumpeted success, is still something of a mystery, business model-wise.
That said, the lead investor in Global News Enterprises LLC is a guy named Amos Hostetter who made a couple billion selling his cable company to Comcast. He isn't afraid to be service-y and may just feel like, since he made all that cash in the business that brought America The Hills he might as well throw a bone to the people still struggling to engage the four brain cells we have left.
To sum up, we don't know what will happen in North Korea or what will happen to the people who will try to explain it to us.
*Yeah, it is a worse name than Federal National Mortgage Association, for sure, but maybe they will think of a cute nickname when they go live?
**And also of being very beautiful, but that's totally irrelevant except inasmuch as this is Gawker we are talking about.
***'The Economist', of course, does great, mostly because it is so fucking expensive to subscribe to. Though I sometimes worry what would happen if someone founded the Craigslist of all those "Disaster Risk Reduction Advisor" and "Organisation & Governance International Secretariat Office" Help Wanted ads they run. Ha ha ha, they could call it "Formal Encounters."Earlier: What Is 'Politico' Up To?
cityrag
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Fun With Censorship Bars
Posted: September 4th, 2008, 11:33am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Fun With Censorship Bars OMG, porny awesomeness and totally sfw!!... Censor Bar Art More clean fun... Tree Porn - Olsen Porn - Puppy Porn
Gawker
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Bloggers Scolded Against Using "Pissed Off" [Ha Ha Your Medium Is Dying]
Posted: September 3rd, 2008, 8:50pm CDT by Ryan Tate
Tags: HA HA Your medium is
Could the editors at the Los Angeles Times be any more useless? Their newspaper is going down in flames, with cash flow declines ranked worst among the deeply troubled Tribune Company newspapers. Their best hope for salvation is the Web, where the paper is desperately behind upstart competitors like Nikki Finke's Deadline Hollywood and the Huffington Post. Just last year the paper installed new publishing software that couldn't even handle hyperlinks. And yet newsroom "leaders" just spent 18 months in a fucking (ahem) committee debating what swears LATimes.com bloggers should be allowed to use, and when. The byzantine machinations involved some sort of appeal to a "ruling" of a special committee about some formal guidelines, and of course resulted in a tedious and useless memo that should make anyone who ever cared about the once-great newspaper want to slit his wrists. Its insufferable, self-indulgent stupidity lies after the jump. Oh, and it basically says no one can use "pissed off" because it's crude and might tarnish the LA Times's sterling image in the remaining months before the paper's now-all-but-inevitable collapse. "Pissed off" is among crude language regularly removed from Times coverage as part of what McCoy acknowledges is "a conservative standard" when it comes to publishing coarse or vulgar remarks...
Clark Stevens oversees the style and usage guidelines at The Times... "It's a phrase we've all heard, and most of us have used. But is it essential to the story (or the quotation) here, and is it consistent with the overall tone and image we want to project to our readers? I think that's where conservative judgment prevails in favor of not using it..."
The policy for the first time takes into account the online world vs. the print world. As McCoy wrote in her cover note to staff when she distributed the updated guidelines on obscenity and taste, "A less formal voice may be appropriate in online stories and on blogs (as is often the case in feature stories too), but a conversational style is not an invitation to abandon The Times’ high standards by introducing gratuitous obscenities."
So whether it's on latimes.com or in print, curse words and crude language are supposed to be used only when they are essential to conveying an important point of the story.Thanks for keeping everyone excruciatingly up to date on your slow-motion embrace of Web culture, LA Times, rather than boring us with stories about, say, philandering politicians and their mistresses!
cityrag
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Great Olympic Moments
Posted: August 27th, 2008, 11:50am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Great Olympic Moments Has anyone else been missing the Olympics this week? Click the images for a last hurrah!... Michael Phelps Photos Beach Volleyball Rocks
Gawker
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Are Blogs As Doomed As Newspapers? [Ha Ha, Your Medium Is Dying]
Posted: August 24th, 2008, 10:30pm CDT by Ryan Tate
Tags: HA HA Your medium is
"While 72 percent of the children online belonged to a social networking site (usually MySpace), 60 percent of them said they rarely or never read blogs." [Times]
cityrag
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Naked in New York City
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 12:00pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Naked in New York City We love the shots of this dude running through the streets on New York City totally naked, it's kind of life affirming in it's own way... Greg Johnson's Naked Run USA Woody's Naked Jog Giseles...
Gawker
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Which TNR Editors Came "Thisclose" To Joining The Military? [Get Your War On]
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 11:06am CDT by Moe
Tags: get Your war On
Yesterday we wrote about the redemption of Scott Beauchamp, The New Republic's discredited "Baghdad Diarist" whose missives about running over dogs and mocking mutilated women were semi-retracted by the magazine after a right wing shitshow. Today we are back with two clarifications courtesy Beauchamp belle Elspeth Reeve, who you'll recall is not only the wife of the young soldier, but also his fact-checker. The first is that a lot of Beauchamp's details about his fellow soldiers' coarse behavior might seem more credible in light of the fact that as our buddy Leon pointed out a few weeks ago it is Beauchamp's army company that produced those four soldiers charged with conspiracy to commit murder. And clarification #2 has to do with my suggestion that TNR editor Frank Foer retracted the columns because he was "fundamentally a pussy." Reeve pointed out that some TNR editors are actually somewhat badass!While Reeve pointed out that there was "indeed a disconnect" between Scott and his editors at the magazine — when Scott would be two hours late for a scheduled conference call because, say, his friend had driven his Bradley into a canal and he had to pull him out, Foer would panic and be "like, 'OH MY GOD WHERE WERE YOU?!?!'" — she says that the editors did their very best to communicate with her broad-shouldered beau "on his level." How'd they accomplish this?
In emails and IMs with their soldier correspondent, she explains, they littered their exchanges with phrases like "yeah man" and "fuck that d-bag" and also "we're gonna nail that guy's balls to the wall."
In addition, says Reeve, one editor revealed to her husband — and also, the TNR office — that he had come "thisclose" to joining the Marines 10 years earlier. (Another ex-TNR staffer, corroborating this story, added that this particular editor, is also "given to wearing" motorcycle boots along with jeans and french-cuffed shirts to work.)
Another editor told Reeve he "very seriously considered joining the IDF" right after high school, but didn't because he "knew someone like Ariel Sharon could be elected." (Hey guy: Marty Peretz resembles that remark!)
Reeve added that she is considering pursuing a graduate degree for which she will write a thesis about "manliness and how it ruins everything."
How Soccer Explains The World: An Unlikely Theory Of Globalization [Amazon]
cityrag
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Olympic Cheerleaders? No Way!
Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 9:35am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Olympic Cheerleaders? No Way! Yes way, Olympic Beach Volleyball has cheerleaders!! Being new to this discovery, we'd like to reconsider our assertion that the best butts at the Olympics are on the players. Click to enlarge!... More Beach Volleyball Butts...
Gawker
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What We Talk About When We Talk About Monsters [Good Luck With Your Doctored Photographs]
Posted: August 14th, 2008, 5:11pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your doctored
Oh awesome. A think piece/interview about the Montauk Monster photograph and what it says about our faith in media. The phenomenon has ascended to a new plane. [Newsweek]
cityrag
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Mister Rogers Evil Clown Video
Posted: August 14th, 2008, 12:33pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Mister Rogers Evil Clown Video It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for... Ahhh!!! WTF???... The Most Evil Mr. Rogers Clip You'll Ever See Clowns suck... Scary Celebrity Clowns Worse Than Clowns Clowns On Smack -
Bernie Mac's Comedy Lives On
Posted: August 13th, 2008, 7:45am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Bernie Mac's Comedy Lives On There are few things in life as wonderful as a gut wrenching laugh, and Bernie Mac was one of those rare comedians with the gift to drive people in to hysterics. An insanely funny clip...
Gawker
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Artemus, God of the Manhunt [How Gay Was Your Valley]
Posted: August 12th, 2008, 1:52pm CDT by Richard
Tags: how Gay was Your valley
1960's campfest TV show The Wild Wild West taught Salon "about sexiness and desire — and how two men could live together and love each other." People are weird. [Salon]
cityrag
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Harry Potter Orgy
Posted: August 12th, 2008, 9:52am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Harry Potter Orgy Celebrity porn comics aren't very sexy, but they're occasionally funny. Click to see the dream of many a young lad uncensored (nsfw)... Previously: Olsen Twin Porn!
Celebrity-Gossip.net
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Denise Richards Show To Be Axed
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 7:58pm CDT
Tags: denise richards clothes off Your
Though she may give off a harsh impression, Denise Richards wants everyone to know how loving she really is. And she was spotted attending a charity event yesterday (August 10th) to prove it.
The “Wild Things” actress showed up at the Isabella Oliver and Clothes off Our Back Charity Afternoon at Palihouse Holloway in Los Angeles, California.
Gawker
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Goodbye, Nessie! [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: August 11th, 2008, 1:15pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
The best article yet on cryptozoology and the Monsters Montauk and Loch Ness (who has, apparently, been proven dead.) [Pravda]
cityrag
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The Best Butts in Beach Volleyball
Posted: August 8th, 2008, 10:40am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
The Best Butts in Beach Volleyball We appreciate the incredible athletic abilities of the women who play Olympic Beach Volleyball. We also appreciate their amazing butts. Click the photos to learn more!... If Lesbianism Was A Sport Name That Celebrity...
Gawker
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The End of the Listicle [Time Of Your Life]
Posted: August 7th, 2008, 10:46am CDT by Pareene
Tags: time of Your life
Seriously, this is it. The nadir. Pack it in, Internet. Someone make sure to turn off Digg on the way out. It's time to go home. [L Magazine]
Celebrity-Gossip.net
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Amanda Peet Promotes Vaccine Use
Posted: August 5th, 2008, 4:33pm CDT
Tags: Amanda peet Vaccinate Your baby
She’s on movie screens nationwide these days in her latest hit film “The X Files: I Want to Believe.” And yesterday (August 4), the folks over at LAX International Airport got a quick glimpse of Amanda Peet in person.
The “Igby Goes Down” hottie made her way through the terminal, flashing a smile and looking cute and casual in a grey hooded pullover overtop a white t-shirt with cuffed jeans and some sexy spectacles.
Gawker
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Mom Really Does Love Your Brother Better [We Hate Your Kids]
Posted: August 5th, 2008, 10:15am CDT by Sheila
Tags: We hate Your Kids
Uh-oh: parents do love other kids more. Especially if they're their real kids. A new study finds that foster- and step-children are "twice as likely to die" from unintentional maltreatment. This does not bode well for the children-of-many-colors of Brangelina! (Remember, it's their biological kids that commanded millions for magazine covers, not the ones she adopted as a single mom.) [Science Daily]
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Stephen Colbert Solves Montauk Monster Mystery! [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: August 4th, 2008, 11:30pm CDT by Ryan Tate
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
newVideoPlayer("/montauk_colbert_gawker.flv", 475, 376,"");
Our old friend Monty got a shout-out tonight on the Colbert Report. Not only did this illustrate that his story has made that critical third leap — from blog to cable news to cable fake news — the segment also surfaced a highly plausible new theory as to what Earthly form Monty took before he became a demon hellspawn. Kiss the dog, raccoon, pig and vole theories goodbye! Click the video icon to view.
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Montauk Monster: VOLE Or SATAN? [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: August 1st, 2008, 3:18pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
We've received a lot of different theories about what exactly the Montauk Monster really is (a monster). But one tipster went to so much trouble to assemble a very interesting montage of photos—complete with key encircled highlight areas—that we feel we must bring you their work. "All in all I believe this is no 'monster' or 'Satan' simply a case of mistaken identity," the tipster writes. The monster is not Satan? Ridiculous, we know. But when you get a load of the included X-ray, well, it certainly gives the misguided nonbelievers something to think about. Click through for the full (and colorful!) photo presentation in favor of what we are now calling "The Vole Theory":
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The Brazilian Lottery Mystery [Good Luck With Your Lottery Demons]
Posted: August 1st, 2008, 11:52am CDT by Hamilton Nolan
Tags: Good luck with Your Lottery
Did you hear the rumor about the Brazilian lottery winner? Supposedly a Brazilian immigrant bought a winning $126 million lottery ticket in Newark, but couldn't cash it in because they were illegal, so they passed it on to somebody else, now rumors are flying from here to South America, and nobody knows who has it, but everybody is so obsessed with looking for it, the media on two different continents is on the case, but maybe the whole thing is false. It's all a product of the ease with which the world communicates in this digital age, as well as a powerful statement on immigrants yearning for the American dream. One new clue is this actual sentence from a KKTV story about the Montauk Monster: "According to the Huffington Post, Gawker has raking in eleven billion page views since the picture came out Tuesday." So aren't we all really "lottery winners," in a way? [NYT]
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5 Reasons Why We Are So Fascinated By the Montauk Monster [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: August 1st, 2008, 11:28am CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
So that new picture of the Montauk Monster, you know the one from Newsday that makes it look a lot more like a dog? We say it's bunk. The thing is in a completely different position, its little front legs aren't bound, plus they claim the photo was taken on the same day as the original. And I'm no Bill Nye, but I'm pretty sure things don't decompose that fast. So yeah, it's fake! Or it really is a dead dog. But ours is still a monster. The bigger question, though, really, is why are we and many other people so interested? What is it about the Montauk Monster that intrigues us so? I'll try to provide some answers—in listicle form because it's a fucking Friday—after the jump.1) We are fascinated by dead things
What did this creature know, where has it been? The odd thing is that, though we are still living, it knows more than us. It's been somewhere we can only imagine. People are poking at this thing with e-sticks because we both fear and are fascinated by its morbid secrets. If we can discover the true history of this ruined life, maybe some tiny piece of life's long puzzle will snap into place for us, for our silly existences.2) Monsters are the world's troubles made manifest
What with the economy and all. And gas prices the way they are. And no one can sell their house or pay their rent and everyone's dying of cancer or their teeth are falling out or their plane got delayed or a kid they knew just got blown up in the desert. We walk around with these little walnuts of fear and worry and anger pitted in our chests all day, every day. And a monster—a terrible, gnashing, fleshy and physical thing—lets us release that valve in our hearts. Its little leathery paws pry that Pandora's box open just a bit, just to relieve the pressure. It's why we feel giddy and silly when we see it. Because something awful is just staring us right in the face, not shadowy and vague like the wretched and grim ideas of this modern world.3) Everyone hates rich people
Montauk and its surrounding Long Island environs have long been the playground of summer wealth, of cold corn salads and hay-blonde hair and Thatchers and Kittys and twinges of gin sadness on sprawling porches. It's the stuff of blousy green July dreams and most of us quietly hate it because we have never and probably will never have it. So a monster! A hideous hell beast washing up on their precious, opal-sanded shores? Hah! Serves you right, you twill-wearing, Saab-driving, piece of shit Andover alumni! I hope its family comes and eats your town and the last person left is a crazed Ina Garten wielding a shotgun she made from scratch, cackling into the humming, purple August evening sky.4) We all love to share something
The world is a terribly lonely place. New York City especially, with its gray, echo-y corners and menacing towers sticking up like knife blades, piercing our beloved blue sky. Who among us hasn't felt bewildered and lost in the rambling metropolis, in need of some sort of Poltergeist-like lifeline to scrape and crawl and pull ourselves back into the world of other people? And something like this, a funny monster mystery, is the perfect way to giggle and theorize with people, to send "WTF???" emails and joke at a bar on Smith street with a long lost friend from college. People are best at relating with one another, really, when there is nothing at stake. All we risk with Montauk Monster Mania is offending, perhaps, some avid dog lovers. And that's not so bad.5) Because we all knew, deep inside all along, that monsters were real
That creak in your closet? That strange thud and bump coming from the crawlspace when you were but a blankets-up-to-the-chin child? Monster. Totally a monster. Those strange shadow figures you see out of the corner of your eye? Monsters. Or, at least, Shadow People. We knew the real truth, somewhere in the mysterious and rarely-used rooms of our mind, long before the documentary Cloverfield made a noble effort to definitively prove it to the world: monsters are real and are everywhere. When we first saw Monty something just clicked on in our brains, a small switch flipped. There it was, all along, that ominous wicked knowledge. Whether we like it or not, monsters exist. And they're coming for us.
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Montauk Monster Scare Gets All the Way to the C-N-N [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: July 31st, 2008, 11:48pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
newVideoPlayer("/MontaukMoost.flv", 506, 423,"");
Wolf Blitzer and crew have been swept up into Montauk Monster mania, which began on this humble site when we posted about a nefarious hell demon that washed ashore on Long Island's picturesque tip. A reporter for the cable news net hit the streets, showing passersby a photo of the hideous beast. Most were befuddled, some cracked wise ("My husband?"), and one woman was "squirmish." A New York Times Magazine cover story, featuring a photo of the devil "dog" draped across its flaming, Satanic bed, is surely forthcoming. Clip of the coverage is above. Oh, and nice of CNN to get a Gawker screenshot of us calling their elder statesman Larry King "drunk," bee tee dubs.
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Fox News Discredits Itself With Wildly Incorrect "It's Not a Monster" Reportage [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: July 31st, 2008, 9:47am CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
newVideoPlayer("/Montauk_Monster.flv", undefined, NaN,"");
As Montauk Monstergate continues, the national news media has begun to take notice (and drink companies are trying to piggyback on the buzz). The breezy wind-up toys at Fox News did a segment on our little creature friend (who I suppose we can now call Monty, as suggested by a commenter) this morning, bringing on noted animal expert and possible crazy person Jeff Corwin to resolve the matter. There he sat, reporting live from my beloved home city of Boston, and lied to America. "It's a dog, or a raccoon" he said with shifty eyes. Whatever government agent was off camera almost certainly had a gun leveled right at Corwin's head (or, you know, some hell beast agent of the Dark was pointing a talon). When will this vast conspiracy unravel? When will these portents be accepted as auguring the end of days? For what it's worth, the Fox news lady doesn't believe Corwin's awful lies, because she Wants to Believe. This is a monster folks, plain and simple. I mean, Fox news ladies know their own kind. (Also, "you saw it here first yesterday"? Puhhleeze.) Clip is above.
cityrag
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Doomsday is Here
Posted: July 31st, 2008, 6:41am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Doomsday is Here Doomsday was released on DVD this week, and as promised, fourfour delivers an in-depth review chock full of fantastic images and insanely funny comments. Hang on to your seats kids, you're in for a wild ride!... Everything...
Gawker
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Dead Monster Washes Ashore in Montauk [Good Luck With Your Hell Demons]
Posted: July 29th, 2008, 12:34pm CDT by Richard
Tags: Good luck with Your hell
No, Lizzie Grubman's still alive. This is an actual monster, some sort of rodent-like creature with a dinosaur beak. A tipster says that there is "a government animal testing facility very close by in Long Island," but unless the government is trying to design horrible Montauk monsters that will eat IEDs and fart fire at bad Iraqis, we're not sure why they would create such an unthinkable beast. Our guess is that it's viral marketing for something. Ali Lohan's new album perhaps. Click thru for larger dino-damage.
cityrag
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Baby Wants Beer
Posted: July 28th, 2008, 12:00pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Baby Wants Beer Remember the first time you cried over a beer?... Alcoholic Baby Or tried to pry a bottle out of someone's hands. And the rest of the night went a little like this. Kid Sleeps In Cake Baby...
Seriously? OMG! WTF?
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Neil Patrick Harris is a fairy!
Posted: July 25th, 2008, 8:30am CDT by SeriouslyOMGWTF
Tags: how i Met Your Mother
addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fseriouslyomg.com%2F%3Fp%3D8770'; addthis_title = 'Neil+Patrick+Harris+is+a+fairy%21'; addthis_pub = 'seriously';
Neil Patrick was on Sesame Street as a shoe fairy and how adorable was he! I always knew that Neil Patrick Harris could act, I just never knew he could sing like that! I want How I Met Your Mother to do a musical episode this season…as long as Britney Spears isn’t it!
cityrag
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Things Look Different When You're Drunk
Posted: July 23rd, 2008, 9:55am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
Things Look Different When You're Drunk A hilarious series of illustrations that show how different things seem when you're drunk. Don't miss!... Drunk-O-Vision More fun in parts One, Two, Three & Four! Drunk Tattoos, Yours For Life What Happens After... -
The Dark Knight T-Shirt Strikes
Posted: July 21st, 2008, 12:25pm CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
The Dark Knight T-Shirt Strikes This put a smile on our face. A blogger's come up with a better slogan for The Dark Knight than "Why so serious?", on a t-shirt that matches the movie's serious bad-assery!.... How About A... -
The Watchmen Trailer is Here!
Posted: July 18th, 2008, 10:25am CDT by cityrag
Tags: get Your Freak On
The Watchmen Trailer is Here! The Watchmen has been called "the smartest, most subversive superhero story ever created." The first trailer for the highly awaited movie was releases today, and it looks as dark, rich, exciting, and controversial as the... -