Hey, look. The girls from The Hills (tears are streaming down my face right now) are on the cover of this month's Rolling Stone rock and roll, modern times, Peter Travers poop fest magazine. It's the first time that Lauren and Heidi (who hate each other so goddamn much they think about it sometimes when they are driving and want to run over a pigeon or forget it all and move to Rhode Island and teach the third grade and eat fried clams sometimes in the summer and maybe fumble towards Happy) have been at the same photo shoot in like fucking forever. Apparently it was cold, but civil and everyone got through it OK.
Note the positions: Heidi stands, offering her ass up to the heavens and to men, ready for any sordid penetration. Audrina poses in an old, sexy style because she's an idiot and cried when she invited Jessica Rabbit to her 20th birthday party and she didn't show up and no one bothered to explain to her that Jessica Rabbit isn't real. Lauren is trying to look fun or animate or something and has maybe just peed herself. And dear old Whitney has fallen asleep or is dead. Look at the four of them all happy and stupid! They're just like the Sex and the City girls! Except, you know, real. Oh, and speaking of dead, down below watch Heidi crying over the sad death of her step-brother. Then watch as she snaps right back and talks about how bitchy Lauren is. Then, you can hear it faintly, a violin string snaps.
Tucker Carlson, on 
Slate shows impressive timing in choosing this week to focus their pointless and vaguely offensive "First Mates" series on Elizabeth Edwards. "Why Elizabeth Edwards Isn't Hillary Clinton"? Because when she proves to be more ambitious and driven than her smooth-talking husband, people don't respond to her with misogyny and him with disdain, apparently. Which means they might actually give a shit if and when they hear that 
A man claiming to have a bomb is holding hostages at Hillary Clinton's New Hampshire office. Hillary isn't there. MSNBC is providing the helicopter footage and reckless speculation (and a hostage negotiator!), while CNN is currently giving the same treatment to two freight trains that collided in Illinois. No details anywhere! Obama's office is right down the street! 
The best thing on the TV ever was the mid-'90s Comedy Central cheap-looking cowtown puppet show Mystery Science Theater 3000. From, let's say, 1990-1995, it was both a totally brilliant show (that I still enjoy thanks to Rhino Home Video and BitTorrent) and also an integral part of my childhood. And now the internet is going to ruin it.
ABC "World News" anchor Charlie Gibson wasn't interested in funning around with T.V. comedian Stephen Colbert and his fake campaign against "wrist violence," even though other big T.V. anchors did. HuffPo blogger Rachel Sklar 
Why, look here! It's celebrated navigator Lindsay Lohan reading our old pal Bill Evans' meteorological disaster epic