The BBC has a list of the 50 most annoying phrases in corporate jargon, but let's loop back and touch base about it offline. [BBC]
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The BBC has a list of the 50 most annoying phrases in corporate jargon, but let's loop back and touch base about it offline. [BBC]
If you ever find yourself needing an official corporate quote from CBS, the man who'll give it to you is Gil Schwartz, the Tiffany Network's top flack. And no matter how you feel about their news anchor, you have to give CBS credit: they're the only major media company to have a top PR person who writes books under a pseudonym about how much corporate America sucks. Schwartz's pen name is "Stanley Bing," and he's been writing for decades (currently, for Fortune) about all the business world's bullshit. Bing's real identity was outed more than 20 years ago, but—more bonus points—the network didn't fire him. They gave him a promotion! So how is CBS' Executive Vice President of Communications spending his time these days? By advising the world on how to slack off at their jobs:
SchwartzBing's latest book is called Executricks: How to Retire While You're Still Working. His five key points:
* Delegation: the art of making other people do what you don't want to;
* Absence: the establishments of zones in which one is working and not working at the same time;* Abuse of status: formerly the realm of senior officers, now available to everyone with creativity and even a modest amount of plastic;
* The appearance of decisiveness, even when confused - the decision-making process is the single greatest eater of retirement time and must be telescoped;
* Intense Engagement when required. Short, intense bursts of actual work are sometimes necessary and must be managed with aplomb.
SchwartzBing is having a contest now looking for slacking suggestions. Best one wins a free lunch with him. Please enter, win, and send a full report.
(Gil: Don't forget to also think up excuses for Katie Couric, though.)
[HuffPo, PRNewser, Bloomberg TV. Pic via WP]
Wal-Mart worked with the same small video production company for 30 years to tape internal company events. But Wal-Mart unceremoniously dumped them as a contractor two years ago,so Flagler Productions decided on a new business plan: selling its old videos of Wal-Mart [WSJ]. And the most incriminating ones sell best! Flagler now gets $250 per hour to let people look through their archive, and since all their customers are Wal-Mart haters, the company is pissed. But they can't do anything about it! They were mean and now they suffer. Which is how life should be, for Wal-Mart. Below, one of the finest examples of repurposing footage from the archives: a 1995 meeting featuring a bunch of company managers on stage in drag. I always knew those Middle America types were kinky like that.
Earlier today we explored the BYOB shysteriness of one company's yuletide party and we asked for your disgruntled corporate christmas stories. You obliged in spades, you bitter battle worker bees. Here's a selection. Keep them coming at tips@gawker.com
AND, for all you folks looking to crash Reuters' holiday party: Hope you wore a nice outfit, cause it's tonight!
"The number of employers sponsoring the [smoking cessation] programs 'is going up even while firms are cutting back on medical benefits' in general to limit costs, said Dr. Steven A. Schroeder, director of the Smoking Cessation Leadership Center at the University of California, San Francisco, which promotes stop-smoking programs nationally." Ha ha! So your insurance won't cover that operation because you had your chance to be saved, smoky! [NYT]