Know why we are special? Because while Atlantan internet-dating nightmare John Fitzgerald Page only saw fit to address you via an open letter on his website, he sent us a personal message with the subject line, "My official response." It has all the elements that made the original email to a woman who'd rejected his advances on Match.com so attention gettingly douchey, but instead of telling us how fat and ugly we must be because we don't want to date him, he explains to us that we're lucky he's not getting his "legal team involved."
"Gawker," he begins, "I appreciate the fact you ran the story without contacting me for ANY type of validation." We think "I appreciate" might actually mean "I don't appreciate." Ah, witless sarcasm! The #1 rhetorical tool of incensed fourth-graders.
"I will ask you nicely to take down the blog about me (FARQ aready has). I really don't want to get my legal team involved, I prefer to play nice." First, it's called "Fark," and we can't imagine what made them take the link down. Being legal professionals, John, your "legal team" probably already knows this, but just in case you don't? Assuming you're suggesting defamation, a complainant must show that a statement could be found to convey a provable factual proposition. We're thinking that your "legal team" might recognize that they'd have a hard time with "worst person in the world" and "nightmare online dater." Those are just our opinions! Some other people might think, based on your public internet presence and the communications you've chosen to make public via a dating site, that you are the best person in the world, and a model online dater, and that is totally their prerogative. Anyway, we appreciate that you prefer to "play nice."
"If you even care about my side of the story, it is posted on the front of my webpage." Aw, of course we care! We love hearing your side of the story! Unfortunately, it didn't totally change our minds about your douchiness to read, for example, that you had called your Match.com lady a fatty because "Men lie about their height. Women lie about their weight. If a person has nothing but pictures of their head, they are not height/weight proportional. It is a cold reality. I have standards, as we all do."
"The title "worst person in the world" - I think it certainly fits the "crime". Sending a not so nice PERSONAL, PRIVATE email to someone. The end result - that people are trying to ruin my entire life and career is rapidly in progress." Um, but ... didn't you just say in your open letter that the "movies, books, TV shows" offers were rolling in? Confusing!
"I assume this brings you some type of joy. I wish we were as diligent about pedophiles, rapist[sic], murderers and terrrorists - we could clean up the world in a day!" I have no idea what would have given you the impression that cleaning up the world was in any way our goal here.
"By the way, an internet dating 'NIGHTMARE' would include stalking, date rape, murder, etc. Not an unpleasant email exchange!" You're right, John: an email from you is not as bad as stalking, date rape and murder. No argument there!
"Regards,
John Fitzgerald Page
'THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD'
'NIGHTMARE ONLINE DATER'"
Right on! Own it!
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You know all those hard-charging parents that are so busy with their important careers that they sit little Augustus and Waverly in front of an "educational" video in place of actually parenting under the assumption that, what the hell, at least the kid is learning something? Bad news for them!