Hey, did you know that actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed two more strangely named children into the world over the weekend? Of course you did. It's been reported so many times, by so many news agencies and television programs that its signal has actually shot out into space to wrestle with the broadcast of the 1936 Berlin Olympics to instantly become outer space's most lingering evidence of humanity. But the important thing about the story (if there is an "important thing") is how desperately the tabloids scrambled for details and scoops and how epically, for the most part, they failed.
I mean sure, some outlets could claim to have guessed the sexes of the babies, but they had a 25% 33% chance of getting that right if their "inside source" was a goat. Otherwise they were just taking blind and dramatic stabs, each so desperate to report the news of the holiest birth first. Jolie and Pitt and their myriad "people" played the thing pretty smartly (if sadly), as Jossip assesses, deciding to birth in France where the privacy laws are stricter and placing some kind of covering on the hospital window. They're just like sexed-up and better-as-a-pair-than-alone super spies Mr. & Mrs. Smith! Except doing, you know, the opposite of killing people. Whether they'll go the new, trendy route and hawk off Babies' First Photo Op to the highest tabloid bidder remains to be seen. But you can bet it's likely. They might, actually, need the money.