These are the men and women Barack Obama assembled today to advise him on how best to fix the cratering economy. They are a largely respected group, and though they ain't perfect—so many CEOs and so much Larry "Women Be Unable to Learn Math" Summers!—they are certainly more reassuring than the ideologues and incompetents our last guy surrounded himself with. We've identified them for your benefit and their brief bios are below.
- Roel Campos (former Securities and Exchange commissioner)
- Eric Schmidt (chairman and CEO of Google)
- Antonio Villaraigosa (mayor of Los Angeles)
- William Donaldson (chairman of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission from 2003 to 2005)
- Laura Tyson (professor at Haas School of Business of University of California at Berkeley; chairman of the National Economic Council from 1995 to 1996; chairman of the President's Council of Economic Advisers from 1993 to 1995)
- David Bonior (member of the House of Representatives from 1977 to 2003)
- Robert Rubin (chairman and director of the Citigroup executive committee; secretary of the U.S. Treasury Department from 1995 to 1999)
- Jennifer Granholm (governor of Michigan)
- Paul Volcker (chairman of the Federal Reserve from 1979 to 1987)
- Richard Parsons (chairman of Time Warner)
- Anne Mulcahy (chairman and CEO of Xerox)
- Roger Ferguson (president and CEO of TIAA-CREF; former vice chairman of the Federal Reserve board of governors)
- Lawrence Summers (professor at Harvard University; managing director of DE Shaw; secretary of the U.S. Treasury from 1999 to 2001)
- Roger Ferguson (former Fed Vice Chairman, CEO of Teachers Insurance and Annuity Association - College Retirement Equities Fund)
- Penny Pritzker (CEO of Classic Residence by Hyatt)
- Robert Reich (professor at University of California at Berkeley; secretary of the U.S. Department of Labor from 1993 to 1997)
- William Daley (Midwest chairman for JPMorgan Chase; secretary of the U.S. Department of Commerce from 1997 to 2000)
I am deeply concerned that my weekday colleagues are now in league with the monkey threat to civilization, as they conveniently ignored this disturbing report of chimps easily disarming humans in order—I am certain—to stock their burgeoning monkey army with firearms. "A chimp in Japan escaped the sweltering confines of his cage, and a zookeeper with a tranquilizer gun proved no match for this feisty animal. The zookeeper can be seen peeking his head and rifle over the ledge of the roof on which the chimp was resting before quickly crouching down, sensing the chimp had noticed him. The chimp pounced on the ledge, grabbing the barrel of the zookeeper's tranquilizer gun and snatching it away, leaving the poor human defenseless. Score one for the apes." Score one indeed. Terrifying video after the jump. 
From 
Last week, 
It's only a matter of time before socialgay Kristian Laliberte writes his memoir, Give Me Laliberte or Give Me Girth. Until then, we'll have to make do with what scraps of Lalibertian reverie we can find. Now, someone at