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Gawker

"not banksy! it's kuszyk" [From The Mailbag]

Posted: October 9th, 2008, 3:55pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

Well then: the mysterious hooded and bearded man photographed supervising the painting of a new Banksy mural yesterday is not Banksy; it's Williamsburg artist R. Nicholas Kuszyk! As he informed us just now in an email with the intriguing subject line: "not banksy! it's kuszyk." Who is this be-aviator shaded man of mystery? A Banksy collaborator who also paints some nice robots himself! See here:

the photo of the hooded person is not banksy. it's me, r nicholas kuszyk, a williamsburg brooklyn based artist informally affiliated w banksy and colossal media. i was consulting the paint crew on behalf of banksy who was too busy to oversee the entire process. this might sound like shameless self promoton (the name of the game) but at least i had the foresight, well banksy and i had the foresight, to plan on wearing something that covered my face yesterday in the case of people like david noseypants photog acting all paparazzi. otherwise this ordeal would have made my face public property. a dozen people took my photograph yesterday. david was the most intrusive. well played sir.

Here's his website, and here's a sample of his art, which is wild and crazy in a good way I believe:
On The Internet, Everyone Knows You Want to Kill Them [From The Mailbag]

Posted: October 1st, 2008, 4:29pm CDT by Pareene

Tags: From the mailbag

It's a fact of life on the internet that when you are mentioned (and linked to) unfavorably by certain high traffic right-wing bloggers, you promptly start receiving some of the most remarkable hate mail you've ever seen. It begins immediately, peaks overnight, and continues usually for about 72 hours or so. Then everyone forgets about it or gets bored and only a few wackos send you the odd death threat for another week or two. (That cycle of mass hatred is not exclusive to pissing off the far-right—obsessive fans of certain celebrities act in much the same fashion!—but Malkin-readers are the form's purest expression.) For your edification, we've run some numbers on keywords used in the hate mail sent to us after we reprinted some of Sarah Palin's emails, an act of malicious terrorism that got us called all sorts of names by Michelle Malkin, Bill O'Reilley, and presumably many more. Why is this relevant now? Hah, two of our favorite conservative bloggers just got caught up in the same shitstorm of right-wing bile.

Gentlemen, meet Kathryn Lean Lopez, editor of National Review Online! She is the mother of all Kool-Aid drinkers, according to Andrew Sullivan. She writes for The Corner, NRO's neat little group blog that really exists inside its own bubble of political fantasy and theological debate and name-calling and reality-denying. But K-Lo wrote a crazy column about how "the McCain campaign should stop trying to ruin their good thing — a vice-presidential candidate who was a breath of fresh air not only in the campaign but in American politics and culture — by over-preparing her and tossing her into hostile media interviews." Which led to this!

‘You belong on MSNBC. You’re no republican and should be ashamed of what you wrote. You’re a disgrace to this journal and the republican party. Everyone knows you are a democrat with a name Lopez. I don’t ever want to hear from you. Thousands of complaints about you have been expressed.”

Ha ha, oh shit, K-Lo just heard from her base, and they're not happy! Also they're a little racist and crazy! But honestly that is tame compared to what her NRO friend Kathleen Parker got when she wrote a column about how Palin really needs to be kicked off the ticket to save the Republican party.

Your article sounds more like a female on the rug. You don’t do yourself credit for the lousy journalism you displayed in your article. The article filled with so much BS, mud slinging, it came to a point it became unbearable to read any more drool from your part. So I must ask you, are you some pig that resembles Rosy O’Donnell, or do you hate real feminine, soft and powerful woman who has reversed years of corruption in Alaska, and fearful that she will do the same thing, but her problem that might shatter this dream is her poor performance in a few interviews?

Hopefully this is not typical of your journalist abilities, otherwise, you might be better off heading home and cooking some cookies.

My, My, Kathleen, what a nice conservative facade you have!! Truly, your aren’t fooling anyone with your so called concern for the betterment of the Republican Party by asking Sarah Palin to get off the ticket. What you did was embarrass yourself and negate every positive article you ever wrote about Republicans. See, I think you are a fake — a wolf in sheep clothing. A pretend conservative. Someone who can’t be relied on in tough times and has zero loyalty. Someone who lies in wait to attack. In your dark heart, that opportunity couldn’t come too soon. So, please, spare us conservatives, who actually care about supporting our party through smooth & rough roads, with your disingenuous regrets.

Clearly, your article proved that you are not a supporter of women or loyal to the party, because you implied that Sarah Palin has to be perfect in every way to be counted as credible. And in your eyes, she doesn’t perform according to your standards. Finally, I don’t have the time nor do I want to waste my time with you by making comparisons of Sarah Palin to many of our past, ‘experienced & knowledgeable leaders’ that brought this country to crisis after crisis. So, you might want to re-categorize yourself as, a “woman who won’t support another woman unless she believes what I believe” — LIBERAL. Having mass amounts of ‘information’ pale in comparison to the Godly character Sarah Palin has & how that character would bring her through any challenging situation. But I guess only a Christian conservative could see that.

You talk too f***ing much. Get out from behind you computer and get a real job. And stop help Senator Hairplugs, you f***ing dope.

You are very easy to figure as are many like you. The bad have always hated the good. No matter what issue. War, terrorism, politics, evil like Osama Bin and people like him, Mumoud from Iran and such. Evil has always hated the good!!!!!!!!!

Case closed

The hate inspired Parker to write her own oh man the hate mail I got is crazy column. Parker, of course, compares the bile and threats to Nancy Pelosi's dumb anti-Bush speech in a "everyone is too partisan" cop-out. But, you know, Parker does acknowledge that this brief trip outside the Party Line led to an unprecendented amount of hate mail: "After 20 years of column writing, I'm familiar with angry mail. But the past few days have produced responses of a different order. Not just angry, but vicious and threatening."

(The Guardian too recently ran one of their periodic "look at our dumb American hate mail" columns too!)

We'd say this is indicative of a terrified Republican base facing their first big loss in some time, but honestly the tone and volume of the hate mail has barely varied since we were first introduced to it in 2006 (and we're sure it was the same story from the very beginnings of the internet). The Commentariat is just ANGRY and VIOLENT, all the time. Liberals get a great deal of justified ribbing for their constant outrage over every little thing, and political blog commenters from both sides are guilty of disgusting rhetoric, but in our experience it's the Malkinites and Little Green Footballers and their Brethren who hands-down win the violent, stupid, and hateful hat trick. Look how they turn on their own!

Hey, here's our own inbox!
Sun To Set Tomorrow [From The Mailbag]

Posted: September 28th, 2008, 9:08pm CDT by Ryan Tate

Tags: From the mailbag

We're told a New York Sun editor emailed freelancers to tell them tomorrow will, indeed, see publication of the neoconservative daily's last issue, as previously rumored. At the start of this month, the newspaper said it was desperately seeking cash. It supposedly raised "a lot" of money in the following two weeks, but then came a brutal Wall Street meltdown that appears to have ended any hope for new benefactors. The Sun editor's brief email, forwarded by a tipster, is after the jump.

Dear Writers,

In this economic climate, it seems the task of finding additional investors has proved too difficult. The New York Sun, which launched in 2002, will print its final edition on Monday, Sept. 29
Point-Counterpoint: Laughing At Tragedy [From The Mailbag]

Posted: September 18th, 2008, 4:33pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

POINT: "This is tacky even for the Onion, not too funny," a tipster emails us. The story in question? "NASCAR Cancels Remainder Of Season Following David Foster Wallace's Death." Sample: "At least for the moment, drivers found it hard to think about the Sprint Cup. 'All race long on Sunday, I was dealing with the unreality presented me by his absence,' said #16 3M Ford Fusion driver Greg Biffle...'I first read Infinite Jest in 1998 when my gas-can man gave me a copy when I was a rookie in the Craftsman Truck Series.'" COUNTERPOINT: No, it's funny. [The Onion]
A Mother Responds to Palin Emailgate [From The Mailbag]

Posted: September 17th, 2008, 4:36pm CDT by Pareene

Tags: From the mailbag

Here is one of the many charming emails your editors have received since we reposted some emails that were hacked and originally posted by Anonymous earlier today, and then called a phone number. Now the "bloggers post their hate mail so you can point and laugh" routine is dead tired, but this one invokes your day editor's mom! "You obviously are too immature to realize that this is a pregnant woman you are bothering. Ask your mom if she approves." We went to your day editor's mom for comment.

Why would you treat a pregnant woman different from any other person, except to offer her a seat on a bus or to help her with a heavy package? Should we say pregnant women can't hold the same jobs as men due to their condition? Or how about run for office due to their delicate condition?

I do approve of your efforts, yes, Alex. You and Gawker are doing the job that the MSM isn't - not sounding the same irritating drumbeat as the rest of the media. If one more big media outlet calls Sarah Palin a "reformer", McCain a "maverick", and Bristol some sort of role model for all 17 year olds I WILL SCREAM. (Bristol isn't a role model, she is just a kid who made an unfortunate mistake - maybe 2 mistakes! there, I'm picking on her also).

Tell that person that your mother doesn't approve of hate mail.
Can't we all get just get along?

She further comments:

Hey, you guys should do a feel-good story on that german shepherd Buddy who DIALED 911 when his owner had a stroke or heart attack. He is a cute german shepherd and apparently has opposable thumbs

Here you go!

"On a recording of the 911 call Wednesday, Buddy is heard whimpering and barking after the dispatcher answers and repeatedly asks if the caller needs help."
Elementary School Cancels Their Subscription to US Weekly [From The Mailbag]

Posted: September 5th, 2008, 3:29pm CDT by Sheila

Tags: From the mailbag

We just received a sternly-worded missive from the Orange Center Elementary School in Fresno, asking us to cancel their subscription to US Weekly. Presumably this is part of the wave of cancellations related to their totally controversial Sarah Palin coverage. This raises so many questions: what exactly is an elementary school doing with a subscription to US Weekly? And why did they e-mail us to cancel it?

From: Wayne Werning [redacted]
Date: Fri, Sep 5, 2008 at 4:03 PM
Subject: subscription
To: —--@gawker.com

Hello,

Please advise how our school can cancel its subscription to US
MAGAZINE so that we do not receive any more copies. Your publication
has become offensive.

Thanking you in advance,

Orange Center Elementary School
3530 S. Cherry Ave.
Fresno, Ca 93706
New York Magazine's "Highbrow" Barbecue: A Big Ripoff? [From The Mailbag]

Posted: August 24th, 2008, 11:46am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

New York magazine should know that it's setting itself up by sponsoring an event called a "Highbrow BBQ." I mean, really. The cookout yesterday offered the public food from Top Chef contestant CJ Jacobson, along with a concert, for $25. And for that price, one could at least expect a big piece of chicken. But a disgruntled tipster tells us that all she got out of the experience was a bit of watermelon, some nasty taco sauce soup, and an apology from a bourbon-swilling CJ. Overblown ripoff, or just a griping, overly entitled guest? You be the judge! The full report:

my friends and i went to the NY Mag sponsored highbrown backyard bbq today.
and it was a total failure. first of all it was in some gross parking lot on the east river, so there goes the "highbrow" part of it. second, i dont think they actually bbq'd anything. it was supposed to be a bbq with some sort of tacos, fruit salad, mexican corn, peach cobbler, and beer—tickets were $25 and sold out a few days ago, so you think they would know how many people were there. it was from 1-5pm, we got there just before 3 they were out of: beer, corn, peach cobbler, utensils. so essentially we paid 25 bucks for a stupid cold taco and a couple cubes of watermelon. CJ (from top chef) was there—drinking bourbon and apologizing, "they didn't tell us there were going to be 600 people here" and attempted to give my friend an impromptu soup out of some taco sauce (gross, but they didn't have spoons anyway). i dont even know if that band played either, they were blasting some sort of awful dance music through blown speakers. now i'm stuck with a year subscription of ny mag that i dont want, ugh.
A Cameo In The Tucker Max Movie [From The Mailbag]

Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 12:08pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

Fun fact: Drew Curtis, the guy who runs linky website Fark, went to high school for one year with professional asshole (but not moron) blogger-turned-film writer Tucker Max. So Drew somehow got handed a cameo role in I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Drew—who's big enough on the internet to not give a fuck what we or Tucker Max think—sent us a full report, saying Tucker is "out of control" but the actors are doing a good job, considering the material they're working with. And pictures! Click through now:

The actors at work (Tucker character in white t-shirt):

Tucker and a rapt crowd:

Drew Curtis' experience:

I spent three days on set, here's my take on things.

Tucker is completely out of control. As he explained it to me, he's
spent so much of his life not having to report to anyone that it's
killing him having to work with other people. Judging from the
agitation I'm seeing, that's an understatement. The first day I was
there, Tucker and Nils (the other screenwriter guy, who's really the
brains behind the operation) were in a heated argument in the corner. I
asked Nils what it was about, he tried to downplay it. But from what I
saw personally, this is a normal occurrence for Tucker.

Nils tells me that the actor playing Tucker, Matt, who really seems to
have his shit together, is the complete opposite of Tucker (super nice
guy, etc etc). I've spoken with Matt a few times and he really couldn't
be nicer to a guy who's only got about 3 lines. Bob Gosse, the director,
is the brains behind it and seems to butt heads with Tucker pretty much
constantly.

Tucker apparently thinks that the actor playing him has to actually be
him in real life. Or something. I have no idea what the deal is. To
me it looks like Matt's doing a fantastic job. I think Tucker's just a
control freak. He interferes constantly with the acting, the directing,
even sometimes the lighting. He doesn't know shit about any of this
stuff.

The sad thing is apart from him this is a really good group, who all
seem to have their shit together. My previous experience with filming
is limited to a few episodes of FarkTV that I was in. That was pretty
much 6 guys and a handicam. There's a full film crew out here, easily
100 folks working just on logistics. I was kinda surprised, I figured I
was gonna see 6 guys and a handicam. It's a full blown production.

The actors are doing a great job with the material. And speaking of
which, I read the previous articles about the movie on Gawker. The
script does read pretty lame, but the main actors are delivering it
extremely well. It all sounds very natural. I think also that this
pretty much isn't a movie the Gawker demo is going to like anyhow.
NASCAR-loving fart-joking middle America will eat this stuff up. If
this succeeds it will be in spite of Tucker and not because of him.

[Previous Tucker Max coverage. Please note the relative balance of this post.]
The Catalog Of Workplace Humiliation [From The Mailbag]

Posted: August 20th, 2008, 3:13pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

Yesterday we told you the nightmarish story of NBC's pooping intern. It was perhaps the perfect embodiment of a mortifying day at work. But we asked you, our employed readers, for your own stories of humiliation on the job, and you obliged. We've picked the five best (worst), which are printed in order of increasing terror. After the jump, read why you should never touch scissors at a library, make fun of hobos, joke about speed, pass out on a plane, or try to catch your boss' towel:

1. The Case Of The Clean Scissors

[The following is an email sent out to employees at a library]:

Hello Kirn Ref. & Circ.,

I just wanted to pass along a little reminder – not that anyone needs it – regarding our policy on offering the use of library scissors to the public (based on a little experience I had yesterday).

In short, our poicy is: if a patron asks to use scissors, please tell them that they may use them only at the (Ref. or Circ.) Desk. Never, ever, ever let them take the scissors away from the Ref. or Circ. Desk.

The importance of this policy came home to me yesterday: a man (one of our “regulars” – the fellow whom we’ve had to call the ambulance for several times recently) asked me if he could use the scissors, and I said he could use them only at the Desk. He asked me several times if he could take them for a few minutes, even offered to leave I.D., and I continued to say no.

Finally, I asked him why he needed to take them with him, and it turned out that he wanted to go to the Men’s room and cut the tip of a catheter bag that he was wearing so he could drain it.

I told him no, we can’t let him use our scissors for something that involves bodily functions, but that I would call the rescue squad to help him if he liked. He declined.

I don’t know what he did about his catheter bag.

And, yes, in over 20 years of library work, this is a first for me.

Thanks. –David

2. The Case Of The Non-Hobo

Just a couple of months ago this happened:

I have Hodgkins Lymphoma and am undergoing chemotherapy treatments. I've been holding up really well and still work full time. However, a medication given to me in addition to chemo made me very suddenly ill out of nowhere. I held it together enough to call my brother to pick me up, since I knew I would throw up all over the el or a taxicab (I work at Michigan & Wacker in downtown Chicago.) My boss caught me leaving and in a very trying-to-be-helpful way insisted on waiting with me on the corner for my brother to drive up.

So, I'm standing there, with my very well-intentioned boss, trying to make conversation, until I said, "Excuse me" turned away, and vomited all over the sidewalk, right next to the entrance where tourists go for boat tours on the river. A boatload of tourists was coming up the stairs and were completely disgusted, naturally. I shouted, 'I'm not drunk, I have cancer! Repeat, I am not a hobo!" and continued to vomit. Then I had to stand next to my puddle with my boss, who was too embarassed/shocked to say anything or move, until my brother FINALLY pulled up and I jumped into his car.

When I went back to work a couple of days later, my boss accidentally spilled some coffee on my desk, and I said, "don't worry, I've spilled worse in front of you!"

3. The Case Of The Unfair Race

i was an intern at a nonprofit art space in houston many, many years ago. during a fundraiser all the staff were wearing shirts with the name of the space, and an artist i barely knew came up to me and asked me where he could buy one. i told him they were not for sale, that you had to work at the place to get one, so he jokingly said "then i'm going to take yours." i blurted out "try and catch me!" which was when i remembered he had a prosthetic leg and walked on crutches. i immediately apologized. he was cool about it, but he was clearly not amused. i can still feel my face heat up when i remember the story.

[From commenter unutterable]

4. The Case Of The Xanax Fantasy

This is my favorite work story EVER. So, my friend gets a new job and on his first week has to fly from NY to Minneapolis for a mtg - and this guy hates to fly. So, he squeezes into his middle seat, pops a xanax and passes out. Next thing he knows he wakes himself up in a bit of a contorted position, almost moaning, and realizes he either had a wet dream at the age of 31, or indeed was jerking off in his sleep. His suit pants are a mess, his seat mates won't look at him and the flight attendants are hysterical. He can only surmise that his actions were, uh, obvious. One more hour in the flight, with turbulence, so no getting out of his seat to clean up. They land, and by this time his pants have dried, and we all know what that looks/feels like. He has to spend the rest of the day in crunchy stained pants with his briefcase in front of him. This happened 4 years ago - I cannot get on a plane without imagining this happening to every sleeping person I see.

[From commenter trustynails]

5. The Case Of The A-List Genitalia:

I used to work as the assistant to a very famous, award-winning A-list actor and his family. During my brief, but relatively long tenure (a marathon run in the celebrity assistant world), I experienced a number of awkward incidents. Some involved bodily fluids (delicious), some involved confusing his actor friends with other actors, which of course is a huge no-no (oh well, they were old)... But, I'll save those stories for my book. The most awkward experience I had while at the job, however, involved my fingers, the tits of my boss's mom, a towel, and a camera. Sound sexy and scandalous? It wasn't. It was as awkward as fucking shit, dude.

It all happened one summer day, the last day of camp for my boss's boys. The actor in question wanted me to take some pictures of the boys to add to the warehouse of manufactured memories this busy dad keeps of his family. I obliged (duh). So, as I was waiting to go get the boys from camp, I heard my boss shout at me from his office. He needed to get me his precious camera and also wanted to be sure I understood how to use it.

While waiting outside of his office, the door to which was slightly ajar, I decided to take a closer look at one of the paintings in the hall. One that hung right outside the door to his office. It was a gestural painting, line-based, of a woman. Think: Caveman-like. It was painted by my boss's deceased father, and the woman is presumably my boss's mother. Having been an art student, I was fascinated by the composition of the piece. I could easily tell by the strokes (heh, strokes) of the brush used that the artist began the image at the nipple of each breast. From that point, a line swirled around and created the breast and then went on to finish each side of the body, respectively. I was fascinated that the artist chose the breasts as the starting point, because artists usually draw people by beginning with the feature they find most important to the rendering an accurate image. Most will start with the head or the eyes if drawing a human, or will sketch the outline of a body or form. This guy started with the boobs. "What a fucking perv! How interesting!" I thought as I began to trace one of the breasts with my finger tips, just to get a sense of the artist's process (no really, I swear).

And just as I was doing that, the door swung open, and there was my boss. He must have just been in the shower, because he was only in a towel. My fingers became paralyzed, hovering over the left teet of my boss's mom. Completely stunned, my boss dropped his camera, and as he reacted, his towel dropped as well. Being the genius that I naturally am, I decided to try and catch the towel, but I caught a lot more than that.

And there I stood: My boss's junk in one hand and the painted breast of his mother at my fingertips. Mortifying.
Man From Florida Worried that Montauk Monster Might Be His Dog [From The Mailbag]

Posted: August 6th, 2008, 10:38am CDT by Richard

Tags: From the mailbag

A concerned reader writes to us: "I live in Jacksonville Beach, FL. We just had to put are dog to sleep. From what I see this is an English Bulldog. Now this does not make me very happy to know someone is dumping dead animal into the sea. We paid to have his ashes returned to us. From what I can see this is a male English Bulldog much like are dog. To find out that this was in fact him would make me very mad. I hope you can get to the bottom of this. If in fact someone did dumped dead animal's in the sea how long would it take to show up in NY city. He was put to sleep on July 21 2008." Yikes. I've had to put a beloved dog to sleep before and it's not fun. But, hm, I sort of doubt that... I, uh. Never mind. I'm sorry for your loss.
Times Reporter's Biggest Fan Has An Important Question [From The Mailbag]

Posted: July 15th, 2008, 10:25pm CDT by Ryan Tate

Tags: From the mailbag

Oh, hey, Times political reporter Adam Nagourney, we hope you're reading! Because someone is trying to use this site to reach you regarding your relations, or possible relations, who bestowed you with the genes necessary to write that blog you used to keep, that insane story about being a tourist DC and, most impressively, your widely-noted columns for the "Google" News. Wait, do you even work for the Times anymore? Click the thumb to read the email.
From My Dad [From The Mailbag]

Posted: July 9th, 2008, 4:36pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

"ALF is back! And I don't mean in pog form." There are ALF reruns on WGN now, yall.
ABC News Branches Out Into Science Fiction [From The Mailbag]

Posted: July 9th, 2008, 3:08am CDT by Ryan Tate

Tags: From the mailbag

Oh, this is exciting: Remember how Roone Arledge of ABC revolutionized TV sports by superimposing dramatic personal narratives onto matches, then revolutionized TV news with magazine shows like 20/20 and Nightline? Well, now ABC News is expanding on this pioneering legacy by venturing where no other news division has dared to go before (on purpose): fiction! Or, as ABC calls it, "reporting from the future." The network is asking everyone to imagine the hellscape of 2100 in order to "form a powerful... narrative about the perils of our future", and thus incite change. To do this, you just need to make a short video about how terrible things are going to be, based on a "briefing" from ABC's team of trained psychics. Here's the email pitch sent to some Columbia students yesterday:

> Dear xxxx,

>

> ABC News wants YOU to report from the future

>

> In an unprecedented television and internet event,

> ABC News is you asking you to help create a story

> that has yet to unfold. What will our world look

> like in one hundred years if we don't save our

> troubled planet?

>

> This fall, in a dramatic 2-hour television special,

> the world's brightest minds will take us on a

> journey through the next century to reveal how the

> "perfect storm" of population growth, resource

> depletion and climate change could destabilize our

> world.

>

> As part of the broadcast, we are launching a massive

> online event inviting creative minds across the

> globe to create short video reports that depict the

> future. Using predictions from top experts, we will

> feed detailed briefings from the years 2015, 2050

> and 2100 – and we're asking you to imagine your

> future world!

>

> We will choose submissions to include in an evolving

> web-based story, and we will also select some of the

> most compelling videos to appear in our prime time

> ABC News special: Earth 2100, airing this fall.

> This is a unique chance to join others around the

> world in shedding light on issues facing our future.

> FOR MORE ABOUT HOW TO GET INVOLVED VISIT

>

http://redir.targetx.com/cgi-bin/email/redir.cgi?id=0000519798-66616232

>

> NOTE: Please note that the Earth Institute is not a

> sponsor of this event. The posting of events by the

> Earth Institute does not constitute an endorsement

> of the event.

>

>

> Contact: Columbia Univ. School of Int'l & Public

> Affairs, 420 West 118th Street, New York, NY 10027

Brilliant: Unbound by the constraints of actual events or verifiable data, or the costs of having to travel or fact check or whatever, ABC's "reporters" will be able to deliver the sorts of cheap emotional thrills normally reserved for fearmongering video propagandaists. Which, come to think of it, is sort of what they'll become. By design.

I think I'll skip the actual broadcast (scheduled for this fall) and just watch the inevitable takedowns on Daily Show, Fox News, etc.

[Earth 2100]
Your Next President: "I have a son I haven't seen nor paid child support for in 17 years." [From The Mailbag]

Posted: July 8th, 2008, 2:51am CDT by Ryan Tate

Tags: From the mailbag

Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you know that I've switched to a new write-in candidate for president after receiving the following very important email on our tips line! I admire Leonard F. Gundy's decision to leave the Army "Signal Core" in 1982 because "I love to give orders, I hate to be given orders," but I do wish he had some Air Conditioning experience. But that's what running mates are for, right?!?! Will you vote for him too Y/N? His very convincing email is after the jump.

Why I want to be the next President of the United States.

I believe in the people of this country and in their desire to see us the smartest and the leading nation to the world when it comes to education, protecting our environment and natural resources.

I want to stand on the steps of the Capitol Building and yell into it "Hey, Get To Work You Lazy Do Nothings" every day till they finally get to serving those that put them into those offices. I want to raise some hell in every branch of our government, and I have a very loud voice, let me put it to work for you.

I guaranty I will fix every government agency within the fist 3 months of taking office and recover hundreds of millions of dollars they have been wasting and stealing from all of us. I'll push through a 35% raise for our teachers and change our public schools from 12 grades to 16, every child/person will get a 4 year degree through our public school system from now on.

I love to give orders, I hate to be given orders, that's why I left the Army "Signal Core" in 1982. I have worked in almost every field except Air Conditioning. I self taught myself computer programming for a project I was working on for protecting children on-line.

I have always been a leader never a follower, I enjoy budgeting and locating dollars that are being wasted and re-allocating them. I follow a principle of doing the job right the first time and never having to re-do it.

I strongly believe in ones rights to bear arms and agree those that use them to commit crimes deserve maximum sentences. I feel every state must have the same laws and the same punishments for the same type of crime, no more example punishments to make a point.

I feel all women should be able to decide to have a child aborted, but feel it would be better, to have someone pay their expenses, and adopt the child. Preserving life is one of gods commandments I'd like to see everyone think about it before aborting that child.

I have had 3 children aborted by women I dated. It does hurt. I have a son I haven't seen nor paid child support for in 17 years.

I love to fix things, lucky for me there are millions of things here that need fixing, I'm ready to get started on them now.

I want to let everyone in our government know this, be warned, im not one of the guys, I will investigate everyone and I will find all wrong doings for the American people and I will throw you out on your ass. We will have a new government that 100% serves the citizens of the United States of America with respect and dignity and those around the world that are abused and starving. We will again be the greatest country the world has ever known, but first, we have lots of fixing to do here and I will see all of it gets done now.

I've got the guts to run, do you have the guts to let me try to fix what needs done? Yes or No?

If you would like to know more about me give me a call and lets talk. I would love to have your vote for President.

Leonard F. Grundy
This Just In: Scarlett Johansson is a Teutonic Clone! [From The Mailbag]

Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 3:26pm CDT by ian spiegelman

Tags: From the mailbag

Here is an urgent letter and warning that just came through on our tips line. Sic throughout, natch. "Hello dear ladies and gentlemen!I would like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress) actually is a clone from original person, who has nothing with acting career. That clone was created illegally by using stolen biological material. Original person is very nice (not damn sexy), most important—CHRISTIAN young lady! I'll tell you guys more, that clones (it's not only one) made in GERMANY—world leader manufacturer of humans clones, it is in Ludwigshafen am Rhein, North Bavaria, Mr. Helmut Kohl home town. You can not even imaging the scale of the cloning activity. But warning!"
Helmut Kohl clone staff 100% controlling all their clones spreading around the world, they are very accurate with that, some of them are still NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled clones, so be careful get close with clones you will be controlled as well. Think wise..

Apparently those clones are very actively shown on your website. This is just a warning, because original person is not happy about those images and video, rumors and etc., in that way it would be really nice if you try slow down that ''actress'' career development on your website, original Scarlett's parents will really appreciated that. Please do that, do not wait until FBI agent give you a call with questions. Please remember that original family did not authorize any activity with stolen biological materials, no matter what form it was created, it all need to be return back to original family control to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

Original Scarlett is not engage!
Her close friend Serg G.

P.S.
H.R. 534, the Human Cloning Prohibition Act of 2003, was introduced to the U.S. House of Representatives on February 5, 2003. After discussion, it was passed on February 27 by a vote of 241-155. It now moves on to the Senate for consideration. This bill makes it unlawful for any person or entity to perform or participate in human cloning, or to ship or receive embryos produced by human cloning. The penalties are imprisonment of up to 10 years and fines of $1 million or more.
These now join other nations as diverse as Norway, Australia, and Germany, which had already added cloning for any purpose to their criminal code. And in Germany where it carries a penalty of five years imprisonment they know a thing or two about unethical science.
Dr. Pink: Gynecologist, Comedian [From The Mailbag]

Posted: June 16th, 2008, 3:43pm CDT by Richard

Tags: From the mailbag

"Celebrity gynecologist and stand-up comic has been hired by GAWKER to blog about everything from vaginas to videos," begins the email we received a short time ago from a Dr. Rand Pink. He touts himself as a celebrity gynecologist comedian, and claims that his "uncanny search for the truth is appealing to most readers." Uhm hmm. And since we hired him he's been so successful that "Nick Denton is considering making the column into a pop culture comic strip." Oh how exciting for you, Dr. Pink. I can't wait to see you in the office some time soon. But seriously folks. The email is gross and strange and eerie in that it mentions Denton by name. But, at least, this mystery appears to be solved.. Sort of. Read the entire, peculiar missive after the jump.

Celebrity gynecologist and stand-up comic has been hired by GAWKER to blog about everything from vaginas to videos. Pinks review of spoiled lobster knuckles at Marys Fish Camp had far more credibility than Frank Bruni. Dr Pink has been examing "fish" at his Hollywood gynecological practice for 26 years. He knows who's been packed in ice and who is covering up their freshness with Vera Wang perfume. This doctors uncanny search for the truth is appealing to most readers. They are simply falling asleep with most verbiage and want to read something that has no direction and no purpose. His column is cotton candy, pure retarded thought. As noted in his column he writes without a formula ,without any journalistic background he just ejaculates copy. This train wreck style makes readers wonder where will the next sentence take them. Its like watching a 30 minute show and its over too quick. Its like a quick fuck. Dr Pink takes nothing seriously so Nick Denton is considering making the column into a pop culture comic strip. There has been talk of it being syndicated which would create even more revenue for the Gawker Group. Again this is a fluid story there has been interest in Pink at Vanity Fair, Playboy and FHM. He has been working with Howard Stern and writing jokes for Joan Rivers since 1994. His penis has made many cameos in movies about race horses. He's sick of being a doctor. He's tired of comics getting laughs at the bits he came up with even he has been compensated tremendously. Dr Pink wants to sit in his bathrobe and tell stories. They are all crazy and they are all true. His one man play "you remind me of my mom because you taste like brisket" and CUTTERS THE MUSICAL have gotten positive reviews by critics with Downs Syndrome Start spreading the news. Start spreading your legs. Let PINK continue to keep GAWKER in the RED. Dr Rand Pink. Stand-Up Comic. Gynecologist.
"Enough with dancing mushrooms and asparagus parfaits." [From The Mailbag]

Posted: June 13th, 2008, 11:29am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

I received this mysterious message yesterday (subject line: "Critical Condition") from someone who must have thought it very important, because it was sent via Blackberry at almost midnight. The sender's identity is unknown. The only clues are a strong animosity towards exclusive noodle bar Momofuku, a disdain for Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni, and an intimate knowledge of cancer doctors, all rolled up in a jet-set lifestyle and finished with (I'm guessing) about a fifth of Jim Beam. What does it all mean? Please reveal yourself, imperious drunken stranger! The full message for you to analyze, after the jump.

Wake up at Gansevoort breakfast includes water, cereal and fresh fruit. Simply perfect. Everyone that served had something that I call sunshine...a nice smile. Lunch at Four Seasons was a small filet and I asked for a small salad but add a ton of shrimp on it. No problem. Perfect lunch and perfect service. For dinner I took my $2500 " date" from Zurich to Papaya King. We brought the food back to the hotel and I watched Marta stick it up her Swiss twat.The only thing Bruni would review would be the hot dog not how Marta prepared it and served it to herself. No this isn't a Playboy or Forum story its my life. ANYWAYS. Enough with dancing mushrooms and asparagus parfaits. I like fine food and great presentation but if you travel all the time meat loaf,potato salad or a good BLT hits the spot. Momofuku can blow me. If I can get an appointment for my daughter to see possibly one of the top brain cancer doctors in the world but I can't get into this noodle joint they should change their name to Momofuku kaka.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Fans Debate Hidden Messages In Soprano Restaurant Scene [From The Mailbag]

Posted: March 9th, 2008, 10:27am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

Tags: From the mailbag

"Just had my lunch paid for by James Gandolfini at my local McDonald's on the corner of 39th Street and 2nd Ave. He was a little disheveled but completely recognizable and so nice. As he was walking away from the counter... he left $40 and told the woman at the register that he'd be paying for my roommate's and my food. He smiled graciously and walked out. Ohhh Tony!"
Rodent Chaos At 'NYT'! [From The Mailbag]

Posted: January 28th, 2008, 5:07pm CST by Pareene

Tags: From the mailbag

"FYI: A mouse just jumped on the desk of a New York Times photo editor and gnawed its way through a packet of mayonnaise. (Not sure if the varmint brought its own turkey sandwich or not). People are freaking out."
Completely unsubstantiated but thrilling ... [Rumors]

Posted: December 20th, 2007, 10:41am CST

Tags: From the mailbag

Completely unsubstantiated but thrilling rumors from the mailbag! "My coworker's girlfriend was just told not to come to work at a Union Square gift booth b/c they are evacuating and roping off the whole area b/c of mysterious white powder." You heard the email box: WHITE TERROR POWDER DRIFTS INTO XMAS SHOPZONE! XMAS CANCELED! NO ADORABLE SWEATERS FOR RUDOLPH, COMET, CUPID!
MURDOCH TO CRYING, BLEEDING 'WSJ' EMPLOYEES: YOU'RE "SCREWED" ON CASUAL FRIDAY [Thursday Night Massacre]

Posted: December 14th, 2007, 1:45pm CST

Tags: From the mailbag

From the inbox:
I understand that yesterday, rupert murdoch had a huge conference call with the Wall Street Journal business-side senior managers. Many people were on the call and there was lots of static and some people did not mute their phones—so you heard a baby cry at one point and someone say "I'm bleeding" at another point. At the end of the call, Murdoch said something like "Don't let them scoop ya t'morrow." But the sound quality was so poor, some people thought he said, "You're all screwed tomorrow" or "Don't wear a suit tomorrow."
A T.V. pal of ours says layoffs were expected ... [Rumors]

Posted: December 3rd, 2007, 4:45pm CST

Tags: From the mailbag

A T.V. pal of ours says layoffs were expected this week at the Oxygen network. And now our inbox says: "Someone just told me that everyone got canned today." Ruh roh?
So, per our mailbag, they're reshooting ... [The Most Important Movie Ever Shot In New York]

Posted: October 30th, 2007, 9:50am CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

So, per our mailbag, they're reshooting Carrie and Big's "summer wedding" scene today, "probably in Bryant Park." Extras were supposed to get there at 8. Hustle and maybe you will catch the most significant bouquet of all time!
Nightlife: Paul Sevigny's Beatrice Inn Shut Down Last Night

Posted: October 19th, 2007, 9:15am CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

From the mailbag:"The cops shut down Beatrice last night around midnight. No one really knew why. One of the bouncers thought it was noise complaints. The buzz in the crowd was the NYC cabaret law." Since drunken weaving doesn't count as dancing and because when people are coked out they tend to think everything has to do with NYC Cabaret laws, we're going with the bouncer's theory.
What A World: From the mailbag: "In the off-chance she ...

Posted: October 9th, 2007, 10:30am CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

From the mailbag: "In the off-chance she hasn't told you herself, New York magazine is doing a full-length (3000+ words) think piece on the splendor that is Julia Allison [with writer Stephen Rodrick]. It's completely unrelated to Vanessa Grigoriadis's Gawker feature, which is being considered for, but is unlikely to get, the next cover." *Shudder*
Party Favors: So just how awesome was Laurel Touby's Mediabistro ...

Posted: October 5th, 2007, 4:10pm CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

So just how awesome was Laurel Touby's Mediabistro "Golden Boa" party that her husband Jon Fine is still nursing his hangover via Facebook? This awesome:
There were free drinks, lots of girls in feather boas, and Laurel Touby telling everyone how awesome she is. But the gift bags were the worst things I have ever seen. I don't think there's a problem with not having a gift bag at all, if your other option is to have a shitty one. But the bag was horrible. Other than a pen and a CD sampler, the only things in it were ads for Mediabistro classes and programs and a "coupon" for ten percent off one of their October courses. Oh, and a little book called the "NYC Guide to Parking Garages."
Red Storm: Lockdown at St. John's? From the mailbag: ...

Posted: September 26th, 2007, 2:20pm CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

Lockdown at St. John's? From the mailbag: "A friend of mine who goes to St. John's just sent me a text saying that someone wielding a rifle is being arrested right now on one of the quads at St. John's. Thought you might be interested before the crews and such go out. No one was shot or anything but students are being told to remain in the buildings until it's deemed safe to leave." Update: It was the Catholic university's Queens campus and "The man appeared to be wearing a President Bush mask, according to preliminary information from law enforcement officials." We love "appeared." Or maybe it was President Bush??? [WNBC]
Old Pros: There Are Hookers On 42nd Street

Posted: September 6th, 2007, 12:40pm CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

Yesterday we wondered if the prostitution industry still has a presence on 42nd Street. If one of our readers is to be believed, it does! Bonus seventies nostalgia included free!
That giant hole on 42nd and 8th used to be a parking lot where, according to my uncle, you could get a really cheap blow job. That's what he supposedly did the first time he stepped foot in NY back in the 70s. Actually, the first thing he did was get robbed at knifepoint, but that wasn't as pleasant.
Anyway, I live a few blocks south and I usually only have to deal with crackheads on my doorstep. But I remember one very special weekend last October when I returned at 3 in the morning and these two black guys and this black girl walked up to me. They looked pretty normal, just kids out having a good time. But then one of the black guys asked if I wanted to go upstairs with the girl, as she most certainly wanted to go up with me. Very flattering, but I said No.

The next day, my friend Mike was smoking out front. It was around 5 in the afternoon, so no crackheads yet. But this slim Asian woman walked up to him and said, "I from Korea. Tonight my last night in America. You walk with me?"

Mike said "No, I just want to smoke my cigarette." And I guess that was it.

Two nights in a row! And we weren't even looking for it! Haven't had that luck since...
So maybe there are still a few remnants of the old 42nd Street after all. Even better, they conform to the wide array of racial and ethnic stereotypes you'd expect them too! Have any Times Square hooker stories of your own? Send them along!
From The Mailbag: "I was disgusted and confused when I saw ...

Posted: August 24th, 2007, 11:53am CDT

Tags: From the mailbag

"I was disgusted and confused when I saw someone put hot sauce in his Pabst can at Union Pool last night. When I asked him about it, he said something about taking the edge off the bad taste. Whatever keeps your facade of irony intact. Was there a Styles Section trend piece that I missed?"

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29 items tagged "mailbag and From"

Posted: October 9th, 2008, 3:55pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: October 1st, 2008, 4:29pm CDT by Pareene

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Posted: September 28th, 2008, 9:08pm CDT by Ryan Tate

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Posted: September 18th, 2008, 4:33pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: September 17th, 2008, 4:36pm CDT by Pareene

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Posted: September 5th, 2008, 3:29pm CDT by Sheila

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Posted: August 24th, 2008, 11:46am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: August 22nd, 2008, 12:08pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: August 20th, 2008, 3:13pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: August 6th, 2008, 10:38am CDT by Richard

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Posted: July 15th, 2008, 10:25pm CDT by Ryan Tate

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Posted: July 9th, 2008, 4:36pm CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: July 9th, 2008, 3:08am CDT by Ryan Tate

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Posted: July 8th, 2008, 2:51am CDT by Ryan Tate

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Posted: June 22nd, 2008, 3:26pm CDT by ian spiegelman

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Posted: June 16th, 2008, 3:43pm CDT by Richard

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Posted: June 13th, 2008, 11:29am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: March 9th, 2008, 10:27am CDT by Hamilton Nolan

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Posted: January 28th, 2008, 5:07pm CST by Pareene

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Posted: December 20th, 2007, 10:41am CST

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Posted: December 14th, 2007, 1:45pm CST

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Posted: December 3rd, 2007, 4:45pm CST

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Posted: October 30th, 2007, 9:50am CDT

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Posted: October 19th, 2007, 9:15am CDT

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Posted: October 9th, 2007, 10:30am CDT

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Posted: October 5th, 2007, 4:10pm CDT

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Posted: September 26th, 2007, 2:20pm CDT

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Posted: September 6th, 2007, 12:40pm CDT

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Posted: August 24th, 2007, 11:53am CDT

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