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This is Matthew DiPasquale. He scored fives on ten separate AP exams. "Five" may also quantify his penis somehow, you can decide for yourself because Matthew DiPasquale was born in the second half of the eighties and so he quite understandably just founded a Harvard porn magazine whose virgin issue contains naked pictures only of himself, an endeavor whose only conceivable purpose have been to solicit the snarky derision of people who have given up trying to understand the credit crisis. So here you go, just-safe-enough-for-work photos of your newest seeker of microfame after the jump. "Micro" may also quantify his penis somehow.
Even IvyGate seems to be having trouble mustering the right degree of contempt for this guy. They excerpt his interview with himself, which is so illiterate as to defy my appreciation of the absurd. Oh, some girl told him his "spooge tastes like unripe bananas." (I guess he means "splooge.")
God, I hate this job sometimes. Like, I dropped out of college precisely so I could forget people like Matthew DiPasquale even existed and this is what I get. Fuck you, Matthew DiPasquale, just fuck you.
Related, what do you think are the odds US News added an "intenet buzz" category to its annual college rankings and kids like this guy and that other guy and Lena Chen are behind the recent restoration of its supremacy in that most venerable listicle? "Entirely too high" is the unfortunate answer to that question.
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Posted: January 7th, 2008, 12:48am CST
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Posted: October 17th, 2007, 4:20pm CDT
"The yet-to-actually-happen Supper Club New York (an exclusive group of posh partiers, not a place), has successfully seduced some 300 media and socialite types into becoming founding members." Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker! Men's Vogue uber-prep Hud Morgan! Oh whenever will I get an invite to this, I'm just not going to be able to sleep until I too belong! [NYO]
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Posted: October 17th, 2007, 10:30am CDT
If you're like us, all you know about Kansas City is that it was nuked by the Russians in 1983 (in some made-for-T.V. movie we saw on the SciFi channel the other night). But they've rebuilt! And they're having a renaissance! Creative types priced out of Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, Jersey City, Philadelphia, Providence, Wilmington, and Columbus, Ohio are flocking to Missouri's largest city, leading some wags to call it "the 11th borough."
With a history of criminality and death ranging from some of the bloodiest battles of the civil war to the tragic gang-related deaths of Mac Dre and Fat Tone, Kansas City has an unexpectedly violent past just begging for immediate gentrification—and a murder rate that guarantees cheap real estate! According to, uh, the PR firm the city might want to reconsider hiring, half the hard work of whitening has already been done for you, future loft-dwellers of the new Midwest!
Have you seen Kansas City lately? This city is experiencing $6 billion investment in development and improvements, the biggest building boom in over 35 years. From a world-class sports and entertainment arena (The Sprint Center), a Moshe Safdie-designed performing arts center (Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts), and a nine block entertainment district, to long-needed civic improvements, just about every citizen will benefit from the positive changes in Kansas City under the leadership of City Manager Wayne A. Cauthen.
Nine straight blocks of entertainment—match
that, Astoria.
Bring on the trend pieces! Broke artists are flocking to the Midwest to replace all the kids whose parents paid for them to flock out here! If Kansas City has half the success of, say, Omaha, they'll have their own Bright Eyes by the end of the decade, who can lead a cultural revival and then move to the Lower East Side once he gets rich.
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Posted: October 2nd, 2007, 1:40pm CDT
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"I may be a simple boy from Brooklyn," Dan declared to Serena on last week's episode of New York docudrama Gossip Girls, while they were fighting about the insurmountable obstacles that keep them apart (among them: she did it once with another guy!). Was this an accurate portrayal of Upper East Side-Williamsburg love, though? Is such a thing even possible? Video slave Alex Goldberg and I hung out on the bench outside Earwax yesterday, finding out.
With the possible exceptions of various sarcastic asides by John Dickerson and Jack Shafer, online journal of contrarianism Slate has run like one intentionally funny piece in its 100 year history—