This year's edition of People magazine's hugely popular "Sexiest Man Alive" issue (Hugh Jackman takes top honors) will feature... um... scratch 'n sniff photos of famous dudes, like Gossip Girl actress Chace Crawford, TV show kryptonite Taye Diggs, Law & Order: SVU brute Chris Meloni, and young god swain of the oceans Michael Phelps. Each of the guys chose a scent that makes them feel sexiest, from fresh cut grass (Mr. Crawford) to L’Homme YSL parfum for Mr. Phelps. We'll take a look at each fellow's preferred odor and analyze what it's supposed to say about them and what it really says, after the jump.
Chris Meloni, "a day at the beach"
What It's Probably Supposed to Say: Meloni is really a fun lovin' guy! He's not that brooding, getting-too-close-to-the-case-all-the-damn-time Eliot Stabler he plays on SVU. He really is just like that funny man we've seen in Wet Hot American Summer and Gym Teacher.
What It Really Says: Aside from the obvious, you know, seafood jokes, that he's quietly sad and wishes he could have fun and stare at the ever-rolling waves rather than talk about rape and murder all day.
Michael Phelps, L'Homme YSL
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: That he's suave and classy.
What It Really Says: While People apparently denies this is product placement, we kinda doubt it isn't. So this means that lil' Neptune has become a total corporate shill since winning 1.5 million gold medals at the Chinalympics. I mean, we've known this for some time, and who can blame the kid for cashing in on his new-found fame. But you'd think that a young man as passionate about swimming as he seems to be would chose, like, "the smell of chlorine" or something. But he probably doesn't find that sexy anymore. No, that's work. The money is sexy. Giant swimming pools full of cologne-smelling money.
Taye Diggs, “vanilla, chocolate, sandalwood and musk essential oils"
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: These are pretty cliche! And sorta like sexy sexy. I guess this means that he's a just a smooth, sensual, lover brother who will give you the passionate time of your life when you're on vacation in Jamaica, escaping the grind with your friend, happy to be briefly away from your busy life being a single mom to your son back in San Francisco. Oh. Wait. That was just a movie. Um, I guess it just means that his wife, Broadway star Idina Menzel, is just a very, very happy woman.
What It Really Says: Actually, that's probably it.
Chace Crawford, "fresh cut grass"
What It's Probably Supposed To Say: Well apparently Miss Crawford says of the smell: "[I] grew up playing a lot of football and golf ... When I smell freshly cut grass I get this air of competition. It wakes me up, gets me going." So, he's a good clean all-American boy!
What It Really Says: That thinking of football and sweat and sports makes him feel sexy! That is totally normal! Lots of men feel like that. Big, strong manly men like Rock Hudson and Richard Chamberlain and Tab Hunter. Either that or he's just a young man who gets a bit peckish when thinking of balmy, breezy summer and, well, um, the neighbor boy who used to mow the lawn across the street in nothing but gym shorts.