Seth Rogen had some harsh things to say about his possible participation in Ghostbusters III this week, which reminds me that he's been in like six movies and he's in no position to diss a franchise that's worth more than his life. If he keeps making the "stoner" version of X, whether X is a period romance or Bill Maher-esque documentary, I'm going to take over his representation. Rogen's career choices need to start improving, because speaking as a schlubby Jew, I do not intend for my concurrent increase in appeal to women to decline any further than it already has in the wake of this economic crisis. By the power invested in me by the Torah, we have sketched out the rest of Seth Rogen's career.
Seth Rogen is unsure if he's willing to be in a Judd Apatow-produced Ghostbusters 3:
"It’s hard to imagine that would be good, isn’t it? I mean just as a movie fan I am the first guy to be skeptical of that. It sounds like a terrible idea when you first hear it. At first hearing it sounds like the worst idea ever. I mean, that would have to be one motherfucking good script....There is a point where it's so bad it’s really easy to say no."
The Ghostbusters III script will come from The Office scribes Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky, so it will have a nice pedigree, if nothing else.
How dare you, Rogen. How dare you. What's he going to do next, diss the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?
Just 24, the erstwhile chubster is eventually going to be cast in every anachronistic, ill-fitting role that pays so he can fulfill his alimony obligations for his fictitious and real baby-mommas. We can reasonably plot out middle portion of young Rogen's career from here:
2009: Seth teams up with Diablo Cody for a sequel to Juno where he plays the grown baby that Juno abandoned
2010: Seth and David Wain make a stoner Junior, it falls apart when both want to have the kid.
2011: After the guy playing Hagrid is killing by global warming he nabs the role of Harry Potter's half-giant father figure in the last installment.
2013: Seth gains fifty pounds for a Marlon Brando biopic in which James Franco plays the early Brando and he plays the Blob version.
2015: Seth writes a satirical passion play and is protested on the level of Dangerous Cousins
2017: Seth appears in a mediocre Woody Allen film about a struggling comedy team called Haurel and Lardy. Critics marvel that Allen is still directing movies at his advanced age, and unprofitable ones at that.
2018: Seth is the Albert Brooks role in a Coen brothers rework of Defending Your Life — hint hint Joel and Ethan.
2025: At the age of 43 Rogen finally sees his performance in Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, replacing Samm Levine in the film after Quentin realized he had the wrong guy. The movie is twenty-four years behind schedule.
