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Ever since they hit the music scene they’ve been “Burnin’ Up” the charts. And the Jonas Brothers are offering their fans a chance to join them on a Caribbean vacation.
Teaming up with Verizon Wireless, the JoBros were spotted at the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania yesterday (August 27) to announce a brand new contest.
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 1, 2006
Rosie O’Donnell is not fat, she’s big boned. And fat.
Didn’t Rosie O’Donnell come out of the closet a few years ago? Why is she continuing this “I’m really obsessed with guys” charade? From the New York Daily News:
Kanye West seems to have replaced Tom Cruise as Rosie O’Donnell’s obsession. Dropping by an American Express-sponsored concert by the rapper, O’Donnell told us that meeting West “might be freaky, like he might think I’m a stalker or something - and I would be if I didn’t have my own show.” O’Donnell admitted to having jitters about her debut on “The View” next week. She says on her blog that ABC censors have already briefed her on what she can and can’t say on the air … (Source)
The only thing Kanye wonders when he sees Rosie is whether something that large and immobile constitutes a fire hazard. It’s laughable that anyone would think Rosie was stalking them (except Chef Boyardee and maybe the Keebler Elves; they have legitimate concerns for their well being since a restraining order can’t really protect you from someone with such a “bottomless” appetite).
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: May 22, 2007
Mischa Barton is enjoying Cannes
See, movie stars aren’t that different from you and me. I mean, who among us has never gotten high on the yacht of a famous fashion designer and then hopped on a Segway for a cruise around the dock–all the while laughing uncontrollably? That was pretty much my routine in college.
BONUS: Mischa Barton Breast Slip! (CLICK HERE )
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 26, 2007
Hollywood still in shock over Kiefer Sutherland DUI
In the wake of the Kiefer Sutherland DUI arrest, a strange thing has happened to celebrity gossip sites across the Internet. A bunch of us have informally banded together in a sort of grassroots campaign to spread the word about the dangers of drinking and driving . . . totally kidding, we’re all desperately trying to find the funniest pictures of Kiefer wasted. My entry:
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 21, 2007
Britney Spears heading to France?
Is Britney Spears heading to France? A French book was seen in the back seat of her car earlier this week and she was seen practicing the language a day later. The book’s a joke, right? It’s probably hollowed out and filled with M&Ms and gummi bears. The only French Britney knows is fries and even then it took her a few years to figure those out. “Wait a minute, these food sticks used to be taters? . . . you take yer’ black magic food somewhere else thank you very much.”
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: December 12, 2006
Paris Hilton types
Paris Hilton posted a defense of Britney Spears and her “partying ethics” on her MySpace page. Yeah, she actually used the term “partying ethics.” An analysis:
“Lately, you’ve been seeing pics of me and Britney partying (blah blah) [sic] and she knows that some of her fans are very upset about what they call her ‘behavior’ and sadly they’re blaming the issue on her being friends with me.”
Hmm, “sadly” seems to be a poor choice of words here. “Obviously” or “absolutely” would have been a much better choice.
“For people to call out her parenting skills on behalf of her partying ethics is appalling.”
People will tend to do that when you flash your shaved vagina no less than four times in one week–while your newborn baby is at home bonding with your maid.
Britney loves her kids to death, and I know for a fact that it truly hurts her when she sees these cruel things being written about her. She goes home every night to her babies and partying has not come in the way of her parenting.
You know what hurts me Paris? Rocks. More specifically those weighing over 10 pounds that have sharp and pointy edges. Wait, what were talking about again?
“Anyone who has called her out on this should really be ashamed. There are thousands of mothers out there who like to go out and have a good time. But, you do not see people out there calling them ‘bad parents.’”
Surely there must be some reason Us Weekly isn’t writing about the “partying ethics” of the average farm girl from Iowa. But what could that possibly be?!? I wonder if it’s the same reason ESPN wouldn’t cover that flag football game I played in last Saturday at the park…I was playing football and I know for a fact that they have writers on their staff that cover football. It’s so unfair!
She’s young, and if she wants to go out and have some fun, let her. Just because she does these things does not mean she doesn’t care about her children. For the sake of Britney and her kids, be kind. Love, Paris”
There seems to be a glaring lack of spelling errors in this latest message. Paris must have had a ghostwriter. The last time she wrote something on her MySpace page, she spelled “party” with a “7″
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: October 11, 2006
Scarlett Johansson Haiku
Scarlett Johansson is turning into one of the preachy Hollywood bitches everyone despises:
“I get tested for HIV twice a year,” she says. “One has to be socially aware. It’s part of being a decent human, to be tested for STDs. It’s just disgusting behavior when people don’t. It’s so irresponsible.”
Scarlett Johansson talking sex? I feel compelled to write a haiku:
Scarlett Johansson
Your mouth distracts from your boobs
Solution? Shut up
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 28, 2007
Somalia? More like “Fun”malia
Since it was announced that Harrison Ford would be starring in the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise–due to hit theatres in 2008–the star has been on a “grueling fitness regime.” Ford last played the role of the professor/adventurer/archeologist nearly 18 years ago while still a spry 46-year-old. According to his girlfriend, Calista Flockhart:
“He’s on a strict high-protein diet. He’s eating lots of fish and vegetables. It’s hard but he’s already looking great for it. He wants to make sure Indy is as tough as he always was.” (Source)
I love it when old people try to act like they’re still valued members of society. It’s so darn funny. Like Somalia, what with its dirt roads, sectarian violence, lack of potable water, and high infant mortality rate . . . It’s a laugh riot!
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: February 13, 2007
Joe Francis kisses and tells
Joe Francis gave an exclusive interview to the UK tabloid News of the World over the weekend. Francis talked about his childhood, his influence on America, and his insecurities . . . kidding — he mainly talked about nailing a bunch of celebrities.
Regarding Paris Hilton:
“Me and Paris had sex in every place you can imagine, in every corner of the world. One time we felt horny while on my plane—so we popped into the bathroom for fast, furious sex on the sink. She loved being filmed during sex. too. There must be hours of footage. The touch of a woman’s body also drove her crazy. I watched it—what man wouldn’t give his right arm for that?”
Regarding Kimberly Stewart:
“Regarding the bedroom, Kimberly is without doubt the best sex ever — she’s wild.”
Regarding Lindsay Lohan:
“Paris was better than her at oral sex. But I love Lindsay and she’s a very, very close friend. Right now I’m a shoulder to cry on during a tough time.”
And finally, regarding Tara Reid:
“Tara just lay there — she didn’t move a muscle! I might as well have been in bed alone.” (Source)
I’m stunned, really. There’s no other way to put it. No, no, no — not about Joe Francis banging all these famous chicks, but the fact that he has a freaking jet. A jet! I used powdered milk for my cereal this morning and this douche bag has his own jet. It’s gonna take a lot of counseling for me to get over this one. Is it considered bad taste to bring a sleeping bag to your therapist’s office? God I hope not.
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: August 18, 2006
Paris Hilton shoots and scores
In June of this year Paris Hilton attended the MuchMusic Video Awards (sorta like the Canadian MTV). Apparently she caused quite a stir, hooking up with NHL Goalie/Soon-to-be-Herpes-Spokesman Jose Theodore:
Theodore, now with the Colorado Avalanche and the new father of a three-month-old baby girl, escorted the hotel heiress to the MuchMusic Video Awards.
They were later seen in a passionate embrace at a restaurant and partied the night away at a club.
According to a devoted reader of this site, Paris and Thedore did a little bit more than “embrace”:
On the lighter note my friend was at the MMVA awards in Toronto (Canada, EH??) & saw Paris, the big skankoid getting it on with some stupid hockey guy at the after party. The dude had his hand up her so called dress. So now we over here are terrified of catching some type of STD or adopting her stray pets.
Now that submission comes from an anonymous emailer who heard it from a friend so it’s a pretty damn rock-solid piece of gossip if you ask me.
On a serious note, let’s stop with the Paris-bashing. She’s a human being, too. Hey…how did every word of that last sentence get linked?
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 24, 2007
Black History Month is racist
Model Adrianne Curry launched into a lengthy diatribe against BET and Black History Month last Friday on her MySpace blog. May I present a few select quotes:
“Yes, I get it. Black people were slaves here once. You know what? That does suck some major balls, however, it is time to move the fuck on.”
“Do we hear the Jews crying that they were made slaves for thousands of years? Do we hear them whine that they should OWN the pyramids in Egypt because THEY broke their backs making them? Do we hear them bitch and moan about Hitler, etc? (my hubby is a Jew)Nope, we dont.”
“If any other race had a chanel dedicated to just them, we would think it was racist. If any other race demanded a month be set aside for ONLY them, they would be considered racist.”
“I will no longer tune into BET. This is going to suck, but I do NOT like the idea of having a chanel for only 1 race. In the year 2007 in a country that is supposed to be the most advanced and equal. This is unexceptable! I will also no longer acknowledge Black History Month.”
Does anyone have a white bedsheet I can borrow? I’m gonna be Adrianne Curry for Halloween!
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: July 6, 2007
Eva Mendes in a bikini
Here’s Eva Mendes vacationing in Capri. According to Wikipedia, “after the end of the Western Roman Empire, Capri returned to the status of a dominion of Naples, and suffered various attacks and ravages by pirates. In 866 Emperor Louis II gave the island to Amalfi. In 987 the first Caprese bishop was consecrated by Pope John XV.” So if that ever comes up on Jeopardy, you fucking owe me man.
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 27, 2007
Britney Spears is thirsty, retarded
Britney Spears was spotted leaving a recording studio in Burbank last night. As she sat down in the passenger seat of her white Mercedes, her assistant/cousin/enabler Alli handed her a margarita (note the salt around the rim of the glass) in front of about 50 paparazzi. You’d think after the judge last week ordered Britney to undergo weekly random drug and alcohol testing that she . . . oh I don’t know . . . MIGHT STOP DRINKING. At this rate, at her next custody hearing, the judge is gonna take Britney’s kids away and then set her on fire.
NOTE: To answer your question, yeah, it’s illegal:
“Possession of Open Container in Motor Vehicle in California. Section 23223 (b) No passenger shall have in his or her possession, while in a motor vehicle upon a highway or on lands, as described in subdivision (b) of Section 23220, any bottle, can, or other receptacle containing any alcoholic beverage that has been opened or a seal broken, or the contents of which have been partially removed.”
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: May 14, 2007
Separated at Birth?
Kelly Clarkson at the KIIS-FM Wango Tango concert on Saturday and exercise. Separated at birth and apparently still estranged.
NOTE: For the first time in like three years, I’m taking a vacation. I’ll be in Beijing all week. I’m posting new stuff as much as possible, as well as mixing in some classic posts and some new features (The Daily Bikini). Normal posting will resume next Monday. Peace!
ORIGINAL POST: September 28, 2007
Now we can all smell like Paris!
Paris Hilton is coming out with a new perfume “Can Can,” inspired by the famous dance-hall girls of the Moulin Rouge. According to Paris, “Every time I come out with a new fragrance I wear it every day.” Wow, that’s just great! Already in the works and due to hit shelves next spring is “I Can, I Can” inspired by Paris’ response to that one guy who asked if she could fit a entire fire extinguisher “up there.”
In a post a few hours ago about the Times's 32 reporters in Beijing for the Olympics my colleague Hamilton estimated that each reporter sent to cover the event was writing one story per day for an average of two weeks. Industrious! But somewhat akin to estimating that smelting everyone's rusty pots and pans in the backyard is going to yield a dominant steel industry. Reporters need to get over their jet lag! Collect their thoughts, and convert them from hackneyed touristy "Ha ha ha they weren't kidding about that smog!" thoughts into publishably learned-sounding "Smog? You should see it when the GDP is in working order!" ones! A more realistic Olympics output has been generated by Gawker's favorite media gay couple, Timesman Andrew Jacobs and his freelancer boyfriend Dan Levin, who have in two or three weeks in the Middle Kingdom…
Two stories, a man on the street scene piece about…uh, men on the street, and one piece about foreigners who live in nice houses that resemble the old houses that average Chinese used to live in before they were all bulldozed except they are nice and that's why they get to stay.
We checked out some other people we knew in China, including our Times reporting friend Nick Confessore, who is actually in town on vacation, and reports on Facebook that he recently ripped off the idea of Chicago Sun-Times columnist Jay Mariotti and climbed the Great Wall, which was "more effective against the Mongols than against the Japanese." (Not to mention opiates and naval warfare! ) Our former Beijing correspondent friend professed to be "not doing much of anything," saying she'd write more when it was more timezone-appropriate. Oh yes, and Gawker legal counsel Gaby Darbyshire is in Beijing right now, "doing a deal." Sure. Finally we received this email from a friend at Paris Review who is also in Beijing:
I'm on vacation here. I've met a whole lot of people—Americans especially—who've left me asking, What exactly are they doing here? Unfortunately, almost none of them are reporters.
My guess would be that those reporters who are here are trying to see as many events and drink in as much Beijing life as possible while filing just enough copy to make their airfare seem worthwhile. Or at least that's
how I'd handle it.
So there you have it. Most journalists in Beijing right now are just adjusting to the air, seeing the major sites and enjoying the company of their loved ones while sniffing out the emerging superpower, and they've chosen the Olympics as the moment to do it because it sounds sort of "work-y" and it's the last time they'll have so many other clueless white people around to make them feel less ignorant without being forced to wear matching hats.
With Manhood Intact, Not Sauteed, I Conquer The Great Wall [Sun-Times]
Back in Los Angeles following the recent filming of “High School Musical 3”, Ashley Tisdale was spotted out and about on Tuesday morning (July 1).
The High School Musical hottie kicked her day off with a coffee and muffin run, then heading to the Fashion Square in Sherman Oaks.
As Christmas draws nearer, many celebrities are forgoing the coldness of winter in favor of a more tropical climate. And Adam Sandler is staying warm with his family in Hawaii.
The island State has been getting quite a bit of celebrity attention lately- and with Jennifer Love Hewitt and her fiancé recently vacationing there, you can bet the islanders are getting sick of paparazzi all over the place.
